Monday, November 17, 2008

How To Get CANCER?

So much awareness & research have been conducted on cancer with countless of preventions and treatments. Yet, how many did survive? Please count the number of people you knew who died of this deadly cancer.

I have lost count myself on my good kawans, relatives, associates and the many patients I fetched to the hospitals for treatment..... all mampus of very painful cancer. Sob! Sob! I was assigned for a few years to fetch Hospice patients from the whole Jalan Klang Lama and Puchong! All of them have bade farewell to me, making my heart like a piece of stone today. No more tears, no more fears. They taught me valuable lessons that lasts a lifetime. Terima kasih to them all who are now resting in heavens.

Hello? Most humans today are damn fucking Sor-haaiiii especially those who still smoke heavily right now. My colleagues & friends complained about the rising cigarette prices, killing their pockets but they planned to cut down on food instead. Aiyo, this is called Orang Pandai or Sor-haaiii? Niaamah leh.

Ahem!... Once upon a time, I used to appear on TV and many Video clips as kalefe but the most remarkable one was the "NO SMOKING" ad by Kementerian Kesihatan. I was the very underaged virgin doctor inside showing X-ray films to a patient on his positive results. The TV ad ran every night for 3 years on TV2 and everyone laughed at me. Why hor?????????? I was smoking and drinking in public! See, I was so famous bloody fool.

I admit I was also a damn Sor-Haaaiii lah. Now that is history okei?

Since no amount of warnings could help you to quit smoking, I will assist you to achieve your ultimate GOAL. I made my own scientific research and I jamin there are 5 WAYS TO GET CANCER real fast.

Do you know this very famous hunky friend? He would kill me if he sees me using his photo....sorry lah brother. Hello kawan?? Just increase your 2 sticks to 2 packets per day and you are on your way there lah! To where? To hell lah! Ha ha..

SODIUM NITRATE! Yeah!!! Get 1 kilo of this powder and sprinkle onto all your food. This cancer-agent is already made available in almost all the junk food we eat today. It is very deadly and we would be 1 step closer to meet our ancestors.
Hello Ah Kong! Heloo Ah Phor! Wah lai liao!

IKAN BAKAR! Yeah! Eats lots of burnt Ikan Bakar daily or go lay under the sun like an Ikan Bakar just like my bodoh friend here. Gary who complains that he looks like Pak Cham Kai often baked himself under hot blazing sun for days. I think this Sor-Haaiii is so moron lah. He wanna look tanned & sexy with outer lining of cancer. This is Siau Lang.

DELICIOUS KAJANG SATAY! Yeah!! We all love them with peanut sauce! No way I can stop eating this charcoal meat!! I read reports that 1 stick of satay is equivalent to 4 sticks of cigarettes! 
Eat it! Eat it! Or just Beat it! Beat it!

Move to a new place. Live under FAT high tension wires to radiate your cells! They are the BEST super fast and GUARANTEED method to give you multiple cancers ranging from Skin Cancer, Brain Tumours, Tek-Tek and even Chibai cancer. A patient who lost his wife to cancer pointed out to the high tension wires along his house off Jalan Gasing. He added that nearly every house on his street had cancer, yet they had no alternative choices to relocate! Now that was the most BODOH & Tadak OTAK for saying - No Choice! Surely you have the choice! I would pack up my barangs and live with all the happy monyets in Zoo Negara! They would welcome me like sworn brothers!

I think I have said enough unless you have more ideas to contribute. Before departing, maybe it's best to select our own container to lie ourselves. I have made it easy with the useful contacts of the 4 most popular undertakers in Klang Valley. They might give me komisyen for every call made. So hurry, call them today!

FAIRY PARK SDN. BHD. - TEL: 03 33439871

It is never too late to turn over a new leaf. Let's not be selfish and think of our loved ones if we are gone too soon. It is so easy to live and eat healthily. Prayers and clearing our bad karma also helps to keep sickness away. Have a Good Day!


  1. It is really these 3 thing that causes the cancer....

    i do not know.... my mom and dad never smoke, dont tan, very rare having junk food and ikan bakar or satay.

    Then why? i do not know ..... all i know is i need to accept the fact....

  2. My mum had breast cancer and recovered after radiology. I blamed her case on her bad karma. So later I was convinced that prayers helped her recover. Be positive and strong. I will buy a good book and mail to you soon. Cheers!

  3. glad u brought it up but i am a coward. i do want to think abt stuff like that. that thingy abt sodium nitrate was news to me. so was the satay n ikan bakar

  4. btw i have taken the pics n will send soonest :)

  5. Why suddenly all this talk of death? :O

  6. among the 5, i hit 3 leh... which means i am going to have cancer soon? aaarrrrhhhhh!!!

    well, anyway, i dont want to have a long life here, i think 65 is good enough for me. just dont want to die in any of the disease. :(

  7. bengbeng - Nothing to worry dude. Yr gym posting has convinced yourself & motivate us to get healthy.
    I hope your palm photos can show the lines clearly.

    savante - I am surrounded by friends who are substance abusers, gluttons and smoke chimneys. Say only 0.1% are health conscious. Lately I hear too much cancer topic being brought up to me. I realized only Cancer Preventive topics are all over and not many heed them. So why why not I switch to "How to Get Cancer" to hopefully shake my friends' asses up. They all knew that I was once the King Of wild animals. Now I am a kitten. Meow!

    My next posting will be the contents of my friend's letter sent yesterday night. It says it all.

  8. hehehe... I'm not a smoker but i party in the bar ... so 2nd hand smoke lor...

    To be more healthier need to cut down to partying in the bar to reduce the 2nd hand smoke and drinks ... hehehe

    Let's hit the gym and do more workout eh!...

  9. e.t - Most people I personally met who died of very painful cancer did not have the luxury of 65 years. Anyway, living in Singapore is a haven of health freaks compared to here. You will live till 95 since you have the patience to relax inside a car for 5 hours & exercise your mouth! LOL

  10. tz - Actually I really feel very happy to hear about you guys hitting the gym so often, to have balanced lifestyle. My job is long hours here. Stress kills too, I forgot.

  11. Dude, I used to have long hour job too... meeting with my counterpart in US in the middle of the nite... but still be able to keep up with my gym... btw, is your job need to be in the office to get things done or you could use the technology and get your job done remotely.. ?

    Like my previous job, I usually get off office @ 4pm... hit the gym for a couple of hours... then go back home get online and finish the rest of my work and meeting... No doubt, I had a nice boss that not micro managed me... I managed my own deliverables and time :-p

  12. Oh my~ i have one of that~ and that's suntanning~ dayum~ and those hotties are your friends? :P

  13. OMG!! junk food, satay, suntan.. i just hit 3 causes out of the 5 you mentioned!!

  14. I like to get sun tan too... :-p

  15. No smoking, not into junk food, rarely go for ikan bakar or satay and I'm living just far away from high tension wires. Sounds good fo rme hopefully. And my mum passed away 18 yrs ago...due to cancer as well. :)

  16. TZ - My job is easy but my responsibilities are crazy as I've 3 depts under my ass. Anything goes wrong, my HKG boss hits the roof and we also have Spore & China offices too. We travel everywhere all the time. You sound like a lucky devil. Good for you!

    fable - Surprised me that frogs like sun tan. I thought you only hop out at night. All my friends are hotties and pussies. In my coming blogs, I will post a Manhunt guy who opens a very delicious cafe.

    sk - Don't worry, no one can be so polluted like me. I am still detoxifying all my abuse substances outta my body! haaaaar!

    |K|E|E|N|Y|E|E| - Yo! I am glad I managed to type your name right! OMG, all my life I never realized this key |||| existed until you existed... LOL
    You look like a healthy freak!

    I am sorry about your mum and I believe it has been tough for your dad. This is what made me mad seeing my friends smoking like exhaust pipes! When I fetched lung cancer patients, my whole car smelt of rotten flesh from their breath. They just screamed in agony when morphine has become useless. So scary.

  17. I've spent almost my whole life getting a tan. I'm quite obsessed with tanning bcoz if I don't, I'll go back to my original skin color, which is (no offense ya) the yucky chinese yellow color (no thanks to mom!).

    Yellow is a horrible color to have coz i'm neither black nor white *sigh*

    oh, & i used to smoke like a chimney too... lol!

  18. perky - Don't worry, no offense lah. I was once in your shoes! I'm milky white & ppl call me snow white. Then I tanned & fished at Batu Ferringhi every weekend with the bimbo queens. Smoking, drinking, abuse substances & hard core partying were in my list too. Beer yard drinking contests too! Now I am like a nun & grandma preaching good health. Well, go slow lah if you cannot resist them. Perky sure enjoys life! Have a nice day everyday!

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