Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Traffic Madness & Stress

Can anyone tell me that he loves traffic jams? On an average day, I could chalk up to over 100 km driving all over Klang Valley, so getting stucked in a bad jam is definite. I have even mastered this art of jamming which I wanna share with you guys.

I would buy a pack of Peel Fresh Orange or Cranberry Juice to being along to make me happy. I would always remember to urinate or shit first before hitting the highway. I lost count the number of times my bladder was so full while caught in the traffic jam and my pee leaked till my underwear basah. Aiyo you laugh what? I said basah means 1 or 2 trickle only la. Next time I might wear grandma's pampers instead to be safe in case full blast. I won't dare tell you how my dump came out once!
Nah! Nah! This signboard never changes its message which says "TRAFIK LANCAR SELEPAS SUSUR KE JALAN LOKE YEW". Haiks this message is the same forever! 

Front jam, belakang also jam! Stress! Stress! Stress!
I learnt to hypnotize myself and relax, that's why the Biotherm bitch was amazed that I have no facial wrinkles for a Grandma! Eerrrmm! Ahem!... Phtooii!..

Nah! Nah! This way to the not so SMART TUNNEL, need to have jam session and tolerance towards bad drivers zig zagging the lanes. I suspect all the worst drivers on KL streets must be from Penang coz I proudly proclaim for being a notorious driver from Penang myself. Lalalal lala la...la..la...

BTW how do my fingers look, Anton-DK? Better than LB's? I applied layers of Biotherm cream and sunblock plus whitening agents. Ha Ha Ha!

You know what? Entering this tunnel always gives me Goose Bums, coz it's eerie like this! Lots of ghosts also pass tru this imaginary tunnels like this.

What do I think when I am in the traffic jams? I always yearned for a hot cuppa of Teh Tarek! So this Indian Keling would flash in my head always.

Now I wanna congratulate this Walter for winning my box of chocolate for guessing first the YTL's fabulous house! After weeks of sms-ing, we finally met up today! See, I honour my words and see the Lindt brand that he carried proudly! If you wanna collect empty chocolate boxes or ask for bite, please contact this Leng Chai at his blog - waltersim.blogspot.com Please support him lah and wish him to study hard!


  1. LOL... Calm down la twinkle.. U don wanna have more wrinkles leh!!! Still gotta meet me up haha... Ish that guy is so lucky ya know...

    And guess wat, I'm pretty dam disturbed by these jams also.. Thats why when it comes to traffic jams!! I Use my MOTORBIKE Muha!!...

  2. Twillight dude, your finger is nice, what cream you use to maintain such a nice complexion ...

    Chill when u were caught in the jam... take a breath and relax :p

  3. ewww...u really pee in ur undies? u r so GROSS~ damn horrible fucking gross...yuck !!!
    yerr...i wan the chocolate as well :( if u dun give me the chocolate...then u will always truck in the traffic jam everyday in ur whole life~ muahahahaha

  4. Your finger is nice.

    But the gesture you made with your hand is nicer. LOL

  5. Traffic jams are good when you're with your special someone or best friends. Can chit chat for long long time in the car.

    *Imagine being stuck in a traffic jam with my crush* OMG I wish that jam would never clear. :)

  6. LOL...as i hv mentioned, habis lah lu, the bungalow may not be francis yeoh's and definitely not in bkt tunku. i hv seen it myself, it's located in bkt damansara(bangsar side)...lol.

    emm, KL traffic still unresolved? they better b resolved b4 i return..lol.

  7. Put on some slow and soft music while driving can ease your tension and release stress. I recommend classical music from Mozart, Chopin, or even Bach. Try that and let me know the effect, ok?

  8. get an empty jar or bottle ready lor, in case really can't tahan~ but poop wor... that's another story lor~

  9. You could also bring along an empty bottle and use it for urinating purposes next time you're stuck in a jam & in dire need to pee! Lol! (my bf has done it b4, that's how I knew of this technique. lalalalaa...)

  10. Haha this is my first time commenting on ya blog! Hope you don't mind!

    But anyway! haha wth!? You just reminded me the awesomeness of KL road! I KINDA miss the 1 hour jam from Subang to Midvalley! :P

  11. Ehwah Ehwah! Like that oso can use my name. How the heaven on earth could I tell anything by looking at your finger? You think I'm a five-foot-way fortunate teller ka?

    *shows finger*


  12. aiyoh u put my ugly mug pic there..

    jatuh my harga saham

  13. Eh, so disgusting on the pee and shit part la. Next time take photo la if you pee/shit on your pants, keke. Grandma, local chocolate also tak kasi me r?

  14. Eh Keen Yee, I can vouch that this Granny has got class. YB Granny won't offer any local yuckies. lolz

    sorry ya, fortunate = fortune.

  15. Anton, look at the way this Granny showed his middle finger also know he has got class la. BTW, time to cut your nails le. Haha..

  16. LOL.. Guys can use bottles like what Perky advised and what about ladies?

  17. city road normally will be very jam lol... juz be patience le... normally jalan U-Thant there is very damm jam as well oh... u might not using the way back lol... haha... the little boy is new staff in arturn ya...? pretty cute oh...

  18. michi, twinkle cant pee in the bottle la...he definitely will spilt all over the car cushion... ewww~

  19. Wah looks like a jam I go thru every working day !!! I play soothing music ...hehe...

  20. hahahha.

    jams give me different feelings sometimes.
    but most of the time i lost my patience when the time i've got is running out. lol

  21. Well, well, I wonder how would Johor drivers fare in KL roads. Nice finger and palm, they look quite smooth haha. So your RM 500 investment was a success? xD

  22. hey, juz a round to greet sawat deee wan songkran kappp!!!!


  23. Jerry - I am a seasoned driver and think my car should 850cc instead coz KL roads cannot speed. Oh my wrinkles!

    Queen B - There is no free lunch. Anyway, would you dare to eat expired chocolates like him? Muahahaha!

    TZ - I used Photoshop cream to smoothen my skin.So simple! Just like that chocolate winner, I tidied all his pimples away to give him a radiant leng chai face! LOL

    LeuMao - Me so fucking gross?? LOL! You bustard! Okay I will look for another box of expired chocolates for you. LOL

    A Common Singaporean - See you got this Art Director's eye to spot something else from my finger. Nice pose I know. I shot 20 times to select 2.

    Evann - Oh good idea! Never thought of that!

    k.t.x. - I think the house is at the old Damansara Heights near former Seri Perdana. Let me go check! Anyway my friend who works in YTL told me that he had to line the funeral wreaths during Puan Sri's demise. His description matched the house wor. Pai do kon! If wrong, I will ask Walter spit out the chocolates! Ha ha ha!

    Calvin - Okay you lend me the CD to play and I will report the effects to you. LOL

    Fable Frog - I heard men used rubber bands to tie. But poops are beyond HELP. I did poop the juice out once. LOL

  24. Perky - I think I can't use normal bottles but jam bottles! So you helped him explore the technique? Muahahaha!

    Kenji - First time here, selamat datang! Come back again to enjoy the jam, they will always be here till eternity!

    Anton DK - You got this DK title, so you can do wonders by telling me his dick size by judging his fingers! Remember?? Muahahahahahahahaha! OMG!

    Walter - What jatuh saham? Look carefully how many pimples and nanah I removed using Photoshop "cream"...... LOL You look more hansem if didnt use my pariah Samsund camera!

    KEENYEE - How to shoot photo when I pooped or peed in my pants? I sms Anton to call you to do it ok. LOL.... Local chocolates also you mau? Let me see got any expired more ones in my fridge.

    Anton - I got no class one la, just humble pie eater.

    KEENYEE - You are noted for having sharp eyes since your comments in Fable's blog. OMG! I knew it was too late to cut my nails and photoshop also could not help to trim. I should have painted my nails and spray colours! Stupid me.

    Michi - Better ask Perky for ladies new technique! She is so pandai one and I salute her!

    Shelly - I wanna live in Amsterdam where they ride bicycles everywhere! Hey that boy is not our staff lah. He just won my chocolates! Thanks for your Beard Papa treat, I so love them very much and ate 3!!!!!!!!!

    LeuMao - Sure bottle is too small to contain mine. I need big jam bottle or milo tin laaaa. LOL

    Sbanboy - You only kena morning jam and not evening ones, right? I kena all hours in the course of my work.

    Medie007 - If only you have a loved one beside like Evann said, then jams are heavenly bliss.

    JL - I dunno about Johor drivers but there got lots of muggers like KL, so dangerous la. My investment is worth it and my face is prettier each day! Heeeeeeee!

    k.t.x. - Kop khun mak na kap! Ma len nam yoo ti ban! Happy Songkran! (I really forgot about it coz the Red Protestors scared me to fits)...

  25. i feel like bump the car ahead me during jam!!!!

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