Wednesday, December 13, 2017

When you are dying......

Last Sunday night, we attended a wedding dinner in Kajang which was a 1 hour drive from my home. While eating the course dinner, my wife looked at her Facebook and had a terrible shock that her childhood friend from school had passed away from lung cancer just 4 hours earlier. It was posted by the deceased's family. That friend was a Chinese but had married a Muslim man so her body was taken to the mosque for overnight prayers and early burial the next morning. My wife was too shocked and notified all the school mates. They were all saddened that the deceased died of Stage 4 lung cancer in less than 3 months but didn't inform anyone of her illness while she still had time.




 Now this topic became a debate for me to ponder. Would you inform your friends when you have been suddenly diagnosed with Stage 4 lung cancer?? My wife and I could not even answer this if it happened to us. So I started to review the cases of my mum and other relatives & friends. None of them actually wanted anyone to visit them, so they preferred to lie low...

What would you do if you know that your days are numbered? Invite friends for karaoke and sing for the last time? Have a big farewell dinner and wefie many photos for their memories? My head was dizzy after thinking for so long...



***

30 comments:

  1. I would try to settle all legal matters involving my family properly and than travel with them when possible.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I fully agree with that. My mum's unsettled cases made us go to lawyer's office and court house to settle few times. How to travel when have terminal sickness unless go to Genting!

      Delete
  2. Yeah, I agree with Elaine that legal matters should be settled to prepare for any eventuality. And spend whatever remaining time with whoever that we want to see.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think every property and monies need to be transferred out to the beneficiaries. You and Derek can go honeymoon again.

      Delete
  3. The answer is very easy for me. I would only inform my close friends and family, those that I have daily contact with. I will not inform my friends that I only contact a few months once or once a year because they are not close to me. After saying that, I think I have only less than 10 close friends so not many people to contact but I will document my journey facing the end of my life in my blog so all of you will know as soon as I know, hahahaha! Oops this is no laughing matter but I think death is the only certain thing in life when a new life is created so why are people so afraid of it? I think we should accept that death will come to every living thing and be at peace with it. Ah, now I can talk big so I am really looking forward to the moment where I have to face death to see whether I still feel the same then as now. Ok, I better stop talking now.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You are really funny and tickled my ribs! You are realistic.
      There was a Japanese blogger who had breast cancer and struggled to update until few days before she passed away. It was a beautiful closure she had shared with everyone. I think I want to do that too but I don't want cancer!

      Delete
  4. I think its the best to keep it low with just your loved ones, no point announcing to the whole world, not like they can help anyway

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It is so true that they won;t be able to help much. One close friend of mine is having Stage 4 cancer and we spoke to great lengths. He complained to me that many fellas were so insensitive and tactless for asking him dumb questions which hurt him instead.

      Delete
  5. This makes me think of my mum's cousin who had cancer and she doesn't want to trouble people to visit her,it was only when she passed away, that the others relatibe

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Many people would not want to tell others that they are dying. That is normal.
      Many people cannot keep quiet and need to tell the world that she is pregnant and the baby is coming with so many ultra scan photos in Facebook and whatnots.

      Delete
  6. Hmm, if me, I would just inform my family and closest few friends.
    Sure words spread and eventually, many will get to know also..
    Then I would do whatever I wanted to do, if possible. Especially spending times with family!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's the best to spend time with family. I think I would do more prayers and chantings all the way to last breaths so that I can cross over easily. LOL

      Delete
  7. If I were diagnosed with terminal cancer, I think I will only inform close family members. I would not want any fuss and will carry on as peaceful and as normal as possible. It's a sobering thought, facing the end of your life. Then after I get over the shock, I will bake as many cakes and cookies and eat and enjoy all my favorite food and not worry about getting fat. And of course I would want to spend whatever time I have with my parents and my brothers. And of course my lahling too.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I agree that we want to spend the final days in a peaceful manner and no chest beatings & loud wailing after we are gone.

      Hey how dare you mention baking many cakes and cookies but not giving me and other bloggers a bite???? That is cruel and we would haunt for your cakes in next life. Muahahaha

      Delete
  8. I think most of us like to lie low when it comes to dying.. When people come visiting, their faces might make me feel worse... pitiful looks is more saddening... rather be with close family members if possible...

    ReplyDelete
  9. You really make me thinking, I never thought of this before but I always wish that I could die in my sleep, I do not wish to know that I am dying, such a sad thing because I think I can't bear to leave my love ones :(

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. But as a Buddhist, if I know that I am dying, I will pray and chant more like you

      Delete
  10. This a a question that worth thinking about~~~
    For me I don't think I want so many people see my weak and ugly face during the terminal cancer stage :(

    ReplyDelete
  11. so sad to hear this....I don't think I would announce to my friends but perhaps a 'final' outing will do...

    ReplyDelete
  12. I would hold a farewell gathering with friends (probably 20 of them) and some family members and share with them my sweet memories with them. In fact, I already know my days are numbered and I've started to prepare for this already.

    ReplyDelete
  13. i think my answer is pretty much similar to most of your other readers. i'd spend time with myself and family and just a few close friends. in the end, i think that's what would really matter, and hopefully it'll prepare us to meet the end.

    ReplyDelete
  14. I too have no answer... very sorry for your wife's lose

    ReplyDelete
  15. Anay, this year itself, I have one course mate from university and one class mate from form six past away due to cancer as well. Coincidentally they know each other and I didn't know they know each other until they both past away. The world is small and the world is cruel. Life is so short and unpredictable.

    About the question in this post. Anay, Yannie too doesn't know how to answer.

    Yannie will choose to stay low and spend most of the time with her loved ones, perhaps.

    ReplyDelete
  16. This is so sad. I'm surrounded by a lot of cancer patients & I'm deeply saddened by it. I've no answer for you too; won't know until it hits the person directly.......

    ReplyDelete
  17. Maybe the first thing I do is to go to church and consult the Pastor. I will likely not thinking straight by Then.
    Oi... make your site mobile friendly la , easier to comment and read on the go! Muahahahha!

    ReplyDelete
  18. It's a difficult question to answer but from experience, I would probably tell my besties, the ones I know who won't come with much drama and possibly even people whom I'm not close with if I know them to be cheerful and kind ..lol ^.^ I will be picky about visitors!!

    The last people I want to inform are the ones with health advice and end of the world behaviour. It tore my aunt apart (who had cancer and has now passed) - one say eat broccoli, other say don't! Nothing was ever right. It was difficult for me sifting through one after another scam cancer cure forwarded emails and messages. It never ends with well-meaning friends and family whom I saw as tactless in the end ..and I wondered if they did truly care or just wanted in on the action of announcing that they had helped in some way. Surely if they cared, they would have verified the information. I sat by her side every day watching her spirit wither from constant 'take this and take that, do this, do that' and crying faces. Finally, she told me to close the door on them so she could have some peace. It scared me enough to decide that I don't want to have such 'caring' visitors. I just want someone to hold my hand and send me flowers.

    ReplyDelete
  19. That is something to ponder as we reach a certain age. I do think about it sometime. What would happen to my children, how to deal with cancer etc. Health is important now.

    If me, I would inform everyone. Nothing to hide. It is God's will. Be prepare for anything because I believe and trust in Him. Death is nothing to be afraid of at the end of the day.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Hi There, I was THRILLED to see your comments on my blog. I had lost contact --but had been thinking about you so much....

    DEATH? Well---our family has experienced two deaths this year (plus the fact that two other people in our family now have cancer). SO--2017 has not been a good year for my family...

    Concerning talking about your illnesses publicly, each person is different. Some are very private and don't seem to want to tell anyone. Then there are others who want their friends to KNOW.... SO--I guess there is no easy answer.

    ME? I am quite open and NEED the prayers and thoughts from my family/friends. SO---I would definitely tell others....

    Hugs,
    Betsy

    ReplyDelete
  21. Just like you, I don't know how I'll react. But for sure I know I won't go announce on Facebook telling the entire universe that I my days are numbered la..

    ReplyDelete

How to cook White Bell Peppers?

I normally go to the SC Supermarket near my office to buy groceries and vegetables. Everything is absolutely cheap and unbelievable. Some d...