Thursday, December 11, 2008

Let's Go Funeral Shopping

I have hundreds of CDs containing many exotic and private photos in my collection. At first, I thought that they should be kept as P&C at all costs. Then I realised hor that when I die someday, my photo CDs will be cremated with me. What a fucking waste! So I better share good stuffs with everyone yeah. 
Everyday I read gory news and so much deaths occurred lately! Landslides, gruesome murders, overturned bus accidents and suicides. Last month I got news that my ex-colleague died of kidney cancer in New York and she was just in her 30s. Then my parent's so-called god son died of colon cancer in Penang. He was a hottie bachelor cum lawyer in his 30s too. What a waste of good lives! My head was reeling nightly about all the unexpected deaths. I remember the old Chinese folks often quoted that many deaths would always happen randomly just before Chinese New Year. We never know when's the day we have to 'balik kampong' to China.

Have you ever thought of your own death? Are we ready for it or looking forward to it? We often regard Birth as a beautiful thing and so, Death should also be a beautiful thing, isn't it? One day, the Nirvana's boss (NV Multi Group) Dato' Kong Hon Kong cordially invited my Dato' buddy to tour his Nirvana's cemetery in Semenyih and also their 5-Star Nirvana's Funeral Parlour in Sungai Besi. I promptly followed the Dato's entourage and snapped so many forbidden photos! I have selected just a few which has interesting tales and gossips.

We were taken on tour at their Casket & Funeral Accessories boutique where you can pre-shop your own after-death exclusive Coffins and designer's Ready-to-Wear collections for all seasons pula. 

These are all nice and luxury urns to store anyone's ashes after cremation. They come in great varieties including imported finest Marble stonewares with real 24K Gold trimmings. Nice pots, aren't they? If you wanna save, you can store your ashes in old Milo or Dumex milk tins as you wish lah.

They have widest range of coffins made from Oakwood, Rosewood & others, all specially air flown from Europe and USA. I pressed the cushion trimmings inside just for testing and they were so soft. Haiyah! I am not looking forward to lie inside so soon. Since I wanna cremate, I don't need so canggih and costly ones. Just recycle any IKEA's ply-wood should be regarded as fine imported wood too.

The Dato's PR guy Danny, proudly camwhored in front of this one. Aiyoh, I would be so pantang to pose like this idiot but he couldn't care less.

The clothes for deceased. The silky fine stitched black jacket look like fresh from Gianfranco Ferre's Fall/Winter collections. The cream long dress beside looked like a copycat from Dior's. They must be having a big sale as the prices are no where near the Parisian Haute Couture price tags! Ha ha ha!

Now these Chinese ancient costumes were worn by the old Emperors and Empresses of China. They are much more expensive than the Western clothes. Take your pick now!

This real Jade suit was imported from Myanmar and it costs a 6 figure sum! It is cooling and Jade is supposed to have the frequencies energy that enhances & feeds the spirit. Inside the Beijing's Ming Tombs, the Royal ghosts were seen inhaling pieces of Jades too. Does it make sense to you?

Next, we adjourned to the various halls for the funeral wakes. They had lavishly big and comfortable sizes with various themes. This one has Leslie Cheong's photo, similarly designed for his funeral and another was Anita Mui's. 

The chairs are so neatly lined with good lighting and freezing air-con ventilation! I always had goose bumps when I attended several funeral wakes there, so eerie lah!

We also toured their cemetery in Semenyih alongside the 2 Datos who were talking about costings and excellent Feng Shui stuffs. I was flirting with their marketing team who were brave toughies who feared no ghosts and never seen one. But they do believe that ghosts and souls exist of course! Don't you?

This is the long Dragon columbarium where premium urns containing deceased's ashes are stored. Those niches near to the Dragon's head pay very high ceiling fees like sitting on the aircraft's front Business Class! I liked the laser shows inside where they hold brief ceremonies before the urns are placed inside the niches. It was kinda hilarious to see the Amitabha & 2 Bodhisattva's statues emerged from below and the laser light from the Buddha's head would beam red laser light straight onto the urn with soothing prayers recited. Then a laser dragon's image would fly around the urn before evaporating into thin air. So high & advanced technology, I pondered lah. Anyone seen this laser show?

I always save the best for the lasts. I am sure many have heard that this grave belongs to the famous Chinese pop diva, the late Bai Guang who was a hot favourite singer during the 50s. When she died, her boyfriend made her this world's famous grave that has a real playing piano. He often sits and think of her at the table & chairs equipped with umbrella behind. How sweet of him!

This is the piano built beside the late Bai Guang's grave. Just step in front on the grey stone and a loud screeching piano music would play & accompanied by her real pitching voice singing very loudly! Instantly, my own head hair, body hair and inside's pubic hair all stood up straight in frightful horror! My own face turned pale powder white & shook like a dead corpse. Bbrrrrr! Brrrr!

This grave belonged to a terminally ill grandma whose days were numbered. Her children consulted an expert Sifu who calculated & advised them to build this elaborate grave for her complete with a tortoise shelled back above the coffin's area. They had to bury flocks of her hair, finger nails and shreds of her clothings inside. This old grandma survived until this day, enjoying Bah Kut Teh for breakfasts daily! Who says fate cannot be changed?

Our Life May Be Uncertain But Our Death Is Certain!


  1. did Danny also camwhore lying down inside the casket?? :p

  2. hello, thank you for sharing, after reading yr funeral shopping, i felt it is waste of money to do so. better leave the money for others to continue their life....for me i will spend as much as possible....cos down there use difference bank note. hahaha...
    this is my philosophy of life.

  3. Basically from the economic aspect, this is a huge market with very less competitors, I know in some country like Taiwan and HK, they even hire salesman to promote their business and the sales rep are very professional, they actually handling all the stuffs when you or somone back to heaven.

    Good business, you might consider to venture or invest.:P)

  4. Why still need to use so much of money for the dead? Some would say to show respect and how filial you are to your loved ones but isn't it better to respect and be filial to your loved ones while they're still alive rather than after they're dead, right? What's the point? The dead ones won't get what you spent. They can't feel how soft is the casket, they can't feel or touch anything.

    I see the funeral parlour are really making money from the families of the dead. What do you think?

  5. In my 20s I thought I will live forever and now that I am pushing 36 I am starting to think about death....but never thought of planning my own furneral.

    If I die of old age i wonder who will be there when I die...

  6. I never know such a beautiful shop existed. Thank you for sharing. For more wonderful funeral ideas check out

  7. I wanna a simple funeral and don't need a resting place lor... just burn and throw my ashes to the sea. Back to the nature... :p

  8. They do really have a lot choices to offer. But I think it's all depend on affordability la. Anyhow, I like the last grandmother story, is this real? Sounds very interesting though touching wood that I don't need one.

  9. nice post, remind me of a funeral i attended in china. they actually use paper coffin for cremation. very environmentally friend.

    p/s can resize your photo before posting. take donkey years to view them in your blog. kam siah hor!!!

  10. Every second after our birth is a second closer to our deaths.


  11. I would prefer something a lot less complicated.

    P.s: Word verification = delicat

  12. i think i'll start looking for a frog shape urn~

  13. Ok, the grave with the piano freaked me out a bit. I imagined the cemetery to be a quiet place, and then there's a piano playing. Eeeeh! Spooky!

  14. SK - Danny would have done laid inside the coffin if the sales people would not object. Anyway, Danny will someday lie inside one!

    Lionking - Where can I change the different bank notes? Have you started chaging yours? LOL...

    Daniel Ng - I think Malaysia has copied much ideas from Taiwan & HKG but my foreign boss was impressed with the high class ambience of our own local funeral parlour at NV, which seems better than in HKG or S'pore anytime.

    Calvin - Yes I agree that it is no use spending too much money on the deceased. Better be nice to them when alive. The living often spent so much to please themselves.

    Sgboy - It is better that we put some thoughts and pen them down in our will on how we wish to carry out our funerals. I read that those deceased donated all organs to hospital and the heavens would receive them no matter how sinned the soul was when alive.

    The Undertaker - You are an undertaker and should probably have more interesting ideas to blog too.

    KEENYEE - The grandmother story was real of course. Twilight won't tipu you lah. I dunno why that gave photo became B&W? Sigh! The tortoise shell is based on Feng Shui theory to slow down her lifetime.

    seefei - Kindly tell me more about China funerals leh. Okay next time I will even resize the photos smaller to suit you. In fact others have no complain, I think...

    Anton - I heard this from some Rinpoches too. It is so true man.

    William - I would have guessed your simple requests based on your easygoing character. I think I would be elaborate.

    Fable - LOL! I saw some piggy banks in Frog shape. Can slot in your ashes from the bottom's opening. Nice idea!

    Perky - You should make a quick tour around the cemetery, it is quite interesting place. You can do lots of thinking after looking at 100 grave names, photos and ages.

  15. Now, now, that reminds me of my mum's funeral. We had a simple funeral service for my mum who passed away last month. Well, I would also prefer going away without so much complicated and extended funeral ceremonies. After all, I come to this earth a humble baby and I will go away from this earth a humble man.

    Woot... I got word verification, Obarma, a pretzeled version of Obama.

  16. Mannpriedo _ Once again, I extend my deepest sympathy to you on your mum's recent demise. I am glad you are blogging again. I agree that we came alone empty handed & would leave the same but carry memories, merits and sins along.

  17. lol it's all very traditional yet like a amusement park to me!

    wonder what's the maintenance fee is like? hehe

  18. u were at Vivocity on friday?? why never let me know?? we can arrange to meet up mah!!

  19. i dun understand why death would come with a big price-tag...

    as fabulous as i wanted to be...i dun wanna build a taj mahal for me to be buried in...

    it's way fabulous to donate the money to those who really need them like doing charity =)

  20. This is a bloody theme park ala Disney Land. Charge admission and hire some part-timers dressed in Ghost Characterised costumes would probably be a successful business model. They should probably throw in some rides and not to mention a haunted mansion as well...

    also can charge $$ for polaroid pics taken with the coffin, or rather pics taken while sleeping in the coffin.

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