Wednesday, July 29, 2015

Getting Married Again

Today I had to visit the Embassy of Republic of Colombia to make enquiries for my good friend's marriage plans. She was a former Miss Malaysia who resides in London and runs an upscale hair salon in the swanky hubs of Chelsea, where the well heeled bitchy ladies in mink furs with lap poodles are her clients. Christine is getting married again and her new South American beau is a very muscular hunk with the tanned good looks that could star in any pornographic movies! She has given me a big nerve wrecking task which has driven me up the walls for days.


 The embassy was closed for lunch. 
So I went to get something light to bite. 




OMG! 
Just one small Mushroom Pie with Iced Lemon Tea.
Costs RM20.40! 
My poor heart aches! 


***********


At 2:00pm, I entered the Embassy Of Colombia and
laid out the hassles faced by the former beauty queen.
In Colombia, the registry of marriage office requires
a foreigner like her to show proof a certified copy of
Malaysian Birth Certificate which has been translated
into Spanish language. The translated birth cert has to
carry a prior approval with chop by Wisma Putra and the
Embassy of Colombia in Kuala Lumpur.
After that, the copy needs to be sent to the Malaysian
High Commission in London to be stamped
with "Apostille" verification before they can
be proclaimed as Man & Wife in Bogota.

Before today, I had gone to the Consular Office at
Ministry of Foreign Affairs in Putrajaya to seek
advice which were incomplete as they are not aware
of the Colombian marriage law & order.

So next step, I need to get the original birth certificate
from Christine in London and get a Commissioner
of Oaths to certify a true copy before going to
a Spanish translator! This translator must be 
recognized by Wisma Putra and it is in Wangsa Maju.
Wow! Wow! Wow! Wow!
After Wangsa Maju, I have to go to Wisma Putra in Putrajaya
again to get stamped approval before heading to the 
Embassy of Colombia for another stamp approval.
This is definitely a great pain in my ass to help a friend
to get married again!!!
My ass is oozing pails of blood now.



  
I came out of the embassy in 20 minutes and
saw this fabulous view of KL's skyline
from the 28th Floor of Menara UOA.



 

I was shocked to see my Facebook Napkin had gone viral
 overseas in 30 minutes!! 
I just simply posted the above photo that said:
"Even the napkin could speak politics to me..."



***********






Monday, July 27, 2015

Before & After Take

My wife is still in America for the past one week now and she is enjoying the maiden trip's new sights & sound of the new culture. Her 2 weeks stay there is a tough and gruelling one with daily dialogue & meetings with the Think Tanks from the Robotics Team of the world's top university on this subject. 

Meanwhile, she visited many interesting places where I have left the trails of my footprints. She went on to experience the same river cruise where Bruce Willis filmed several of his action packed movies. She also met up with my 2 long lost Japanese sistas! She blew my mind with their photograph taken below.



Top Photo: 
24 years BEFORE, hubby with 2 Japanese friends..
Bottom Photo: 
24 years LATER, wife with hubby's 2 Japanese friends.


**********


She gave me a new key chain before she left and it comes with a tiny cute bible for husbands! I could not help laughing at the daily quotes expressed inside.



Some Silly Quotes:

True love does not have a happy ending:
true love does not have an ending.

**********

One nice thing about being a man is that you don't
have to kiss somebody who hasn't shaved in
3 days.

**********

It takes a smart husband to have the last word
- and not use it.

**********

There are three things most men love
but never understand:
females, girls and women.

**********

The best time to do the dishes is
right after your wife tells you to.

**********

A husband wanted to show his wife 
who was the boss so he bought her
a mirror.

**********

A husband should tell his wife everything
he thinks she'll find out.

**********

Getting married is one mistake
every man should make.

**********

Husbands are like fires.
They go out when unattended.

**********



Monday, July 20, 2015

Stalking My Wife

The midnight before my wife's flight to America, she collected 
all the food leftovers from her office. They have weekly
meetings where much uneaten food were thrown away! Kanasai!
So she rounded up my visiting friend & family to feed the beggars.
It was an eye opener to their 2 young kids to feed the hungry
beggars with delicious warm food & bottles of mineral water.
They could see how sad & pitiful 
to become homeless & lonely.



We headed to Pudu's area again where it's the haven for the
poor homeless beggars who slept under the shops and flyovers.
You can find dozens of them sleeping openly but I woke them
all up as I knew that they were hungry and probably
had not eaten for days. They woke up and ate right away!
The above handicapped uncle was happy and chatted
non stop! 
"Hey, come again with more food!"
Uncle is calling all bloggers & readers to care for them.




You You & Woei Woei are 2 angels.



*********


My wifey flew off the next day and my friend's whole
family tagged along to the see the whole KLIA terminal.
The young boy taught me to install the Flight Tracking
apps into my phone and it was so interesting.
I am such an uncle and didn;t know
how to track the planes! 
Smart boy You-You.




Many hours later, I could track my wifey's United Airlines leaving
Hong Kong and flew out of China and North Russia! 
Amazing!
Why was her "Red Plane" not flying across 
the Pacific Ocean as it looked shorter? 
Eventually I found the answer myself! 
Simple, the earth spins so the plane should fly
upwards and downwards to save time.





Some 15 hours later the "Red Plane" was flying across
the Artic Ocean and passed through Canada.
Look at the thousands of planes jamming
New York's John F Kennedy airport!
This clearly shows how  
"The Humans Are
Trading With Each Other's Karma Everyday"
just like the aeroplanes!





Yours truly and 2 Japanese college friends in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.
That was some 2 decades ago and both Maki Yamada &
Junko Ueda have married Americans. They will play hosts
to show wifey the fabulous city where I lived around the
Carnegie Mellon University. So coincidence, she will be
having 2 weeks of meetings & training at CMU.
Deja Vue.


*********



Thursday, July 16, 2015

Stay Healthy & Live Longer

Nobody wants to die & I wish to live forever too!
I must confess that I have been a health freak since I was young.
Although I was very wild and clubbing the nights away,
I still made time to go running, swimming, bike scrambling
and supported all the friends who were selling MLM supplements.
Those were my growing up years in Penang & Songkhla.
I was overdosed with their vitamins A to Z 
until my late mother called me "Doctor Quack".


These days, I have minimized popping pills
to just 2 daily supplements of vitamins
and have been drinking virgin oils
neat & straight from the bottles.



























I drank Extra Virgin Olive Oil for many years now 
after reading that the oldest lady in France JEANNE CALMENT  
drank olive oil daily. She took up fencing at age 85 and 
still rode her bicycle at 100 years old before her death at 122 years.
I worship this Olive Oil mainly due to its help to prevent my chronic
nasal blockage every night during sleep and stops all snoring!





























I started drinking Virgin Coconut Oil after searching for a remedy
to treat my dear father's advanced dementia which is incurable.
I gulped it for fun, neat from the bottle and was very shocked
to discover that I could feel mild sensations in my skull.
It could be feeding my bird brain and activated it
instantly. I started to believe its goodness and chose the best
hours to drink when I woke up blurr in the mornings or when
I finished office work and SK's spamming daily till I got mental
fatigue... Looking at SK's daily chart is more stressful 
and smelly flower crabs than checking the Bursa Saham's
stock prices!!
This pure coconut oil easily moisturizes and recharges
tired bird brains like mine. TRY IT if you also have tired brains.
Our brain is like motorbike engine and needs oil to run &
prevent it from getting rusty! 




























Lastly, I must share this unknown secret which has long been
cultivated in the Western countries especially Europe.
Many of them drink Solarized Water daily all their lives and
almost never fell sick or tired. It has very effective healing
powers from the Sun to the Water. Just get the right coloured
bottles and fill them with plain drinking water before
leaving under direct sun for few hours. I have been using
the blue coloured bottles to tap the natural energy from the
sunlight directly into the water. I could feel that my body
would not feel tired at all till late at night. My immunity
has improved and I always feel warm inside.
You can read up from SOLARIZED WATER.
We know that all the plants grew from tiny seeds and
only survived on just water & energy from the 
SUNLIGHT to grow into big trees! 
What about us??



Remember this
HEALTH IS WEALTH!

HAPPY HOLIDAYS! 


**********




Wednesday, July 15, 2015

Bake My Own Cookies!

The festive season will be here soon! 
I will be sad that my wife will fly to US this weekend.
My hometown friends will visit KL 
and I thought that I should serve them
curry with roti chanai & 
cookies to celebrate Hari Raya.
I am excited for the long weekends.
I dropped by the petrol kiosk 
which sells the popular kuehs and cookies.


************


MY HORRORS!


************


 LOOK AT THE PRICE!
I thought I have serious eyesight problems!



 
 RM27.00
for a small plastic bottle!
20+ pieces of GOLD.
Better buy gold from Poh Kong
and munch.
Kaneeneh!!!
Robbery!



************
  

 I will bake my own yeah.
So easy, mix honey, butter & corn flakes!
Anything else to add inside?


************




Tuesday, July 14, 2015

One Scary Night

It was near 12:00 midnight near the hospital. 
The rain has just stopped and it was cool.
The whole room was very dead quiet 
like what a morgue should be 
with all bodies lying flat 
with individual white
soft sheet
covers.


~ Rest In Peace ~





Inside this chilly cold room, a motionless body was lying down flat 
with white sheet all covered up the torso.
This person has lived a good life with so many 
ups and downs like anyone else. His soul must be wondering
all over the place thinking of the journey of his life.
Everything in this life is just an illusion.
We only live temporarily in this earth's dimension and
should live meaningfully each day.
We should love and appreciate all the beings
and spam all their blogs that we can read 
each new day.
Tomorrow May Not Come.


************





The worker in white uniform walked in and sat down.
He started groping both feet with creams
and kneaded so hard until I let out screams.
I was getting my regular fix of foot reflexology
treatment to remove all my deadly stress!
Body massage and foot massage are
both very important to help us remove stress
and toxins from our bodies.
Stress causes cancer.
Stress Kills!





The body on  my left was smiling sheepishly.
She is my wifey, alright!
She just gave me a new nickname
after the recent "Poker Face".
Now she calls me "Actor".
I know, I know
I was faking good on the screens before.
I hope to be hired again
to fake an old man's role now.





The masseur on my right was grinning
at me with his eyes directing me to look down.
The lady's legs were so hairy and her name is
Miss Gorilla.


*****************


Monday, July 13, 2015

World's Biggest Bananas

Last Friday, I was driving out of my office in the industrial area
and passed many stalls selling fruits and fried evening snacks 
like Fried Banana Fritters, Curry Puffs and Lekor etc.





I had seen this particular mega huge obscene fruit 
hanging there for a long time.






I braked my speeding car suddenly and got down 
to have a closer look & feel the big banana! 






Gosh! This banana is over 12 inches long, damn smooth & so hard.
The Makcik seller bragged that most buyers are females and they love these
big bananas! They would eat with bubur (porridge) or simply make 
Cekodok (Fried Bananas) to share with their family & friends. 
What did you think I was trying to say?
Hamsap fellas!!!


****************


These bananas are called Pisang Tanduk and comes
from the plantations in Johor! It costs RM7.00 per kilo!!!
I bought just one banana to give a Minions Fan since
I was heading to his office to run errands.


****************




He was so damn shocked & speechless to see this huge Minions!!!
He just taught me the sentence
"Your Mother's Stir Fried Crabs!"
Guess who is this lucky devil??



 ****************