Pigs Can Fly

It was a beautiful Sunday morning and I was driving into Federal Highway!

Kaneeneh! 

I had a blardy shock with my jaws dropped open. 

Guess what?

The traffic was so fucking JAMMED on both sides. Grandma was scratching his sarong contents and cursing as the cars could not move at all. It was a strange thing to happen on a Sunday wor.

So Grandma just drove 0.05kph and the snail beside could move faster than me. I was still wondering whether there was a drastic accident or the flyover collapsed!

Then suddenly hor, I saw something in the sky! UFO?

Strain your blardy eyes! Look closer! What izzit har?

I saw several parachutes coming down!! Whooaaa! A plane must have crashed and all the penumpangs jumped out for their lives!

So I took out my cheapo mobile from in-between my sarong!

One by one, they came down and below almost kissing the roofs of the cars! No wonder lah, all so kay-po-chee watched and screamed!!!!

The gals screamed cos the guy must be a dig dicked Matt Salleh lor.

I was amazed that they all landed on the same spot of TM building! Did they jump off from the plane or tried to commit suicide from the roof top of TM? I wonder anyone knew what happened. You guys must be sleeping, I guess as Bong, Anton and TZ normally only wake up after 12:00 noon on Sundays! KY wakes up at 4:00am not to pray but to hike or run like a monkey! LOL

I bet the traffic in the whole country would be JAMMED if the nude guys jumped down like this. Dunno lah, must ask FuFu whether he jumped BOGEL like this before?

Secret Gardens

The romantic idea and brilliant concept of 'secret gardens' had existed since ancient times during the last days of Pompeii or the period when Chinese emperors flirted endlessly with their concubines in wine-bathing pools. They all loved their private enclave called 'secret gardens'.

Grandma had to work on a blardy @#$% Saturday morning to conduct some routine checks. So I curi-shot some photos of this modern day secret gardens! The hi-end developers today are cleverly making extra BUCK$ by building beautifully paved and landscaped enclaves right behind those million dollar homes they are selling. You will have your own garden within your property but the whole back lane would be the 'secret gardens' shared by your wealthy and nosey CB neighbours!

The tiled entrance to the privately guarded secret gardens which is cleverly not wasted becoming a backlane for stray cats or pimps to trade flesh.

It is nice and long, suitable for Anton to hold mama's hand for long evening walks and hum his favourite lines..

"Walk on a trail of loving kindness. Walk on a path of compassion.... And all else around you will be beautiful"

They even have light exercising stations and what would William think of this tilted board? Perhaps it's nice to get laid horrr!

Along the way, there's kiddies section while the Tai-Tais and maids could sit inside the pavilion to bitch the juiciest gossips about the tyrant Masters of their houses!

There's kinky iron rings right behind your luxury home too. Maybe ItchyBiru might love this to hang upside down a'la Bondage style. LOL.

My inspection job was done, all ready for client to launch! I always salivated admiring the interiors of the posh homes in Klang Valley, often rolling on their King Sized Beds and browsing the ultra modern kitchen cabinets. I can only dream to play inside the show units!

Now I was stucked in the usual fucking highway jam on the way back. Look, 5 lanes and all had to move at snail speed.

I think you are wandering where the hell is this 'secret gardens'? Well, guess la and win a treat from Grandma. He will summon KeenYee to bake Egg Tarts for the winner!

Quick guess the name of this posh development!! Win 1 DOZEN GRANDMA'S EGG TARTS!

If you cannot guess, just tell me where this rolling hills is located, will win you HALF DOZEN CUMMY EGG TARTS!

ZZZzzzzz.... ZZZzzzz

Still cannot guess, need some clues?

Look below.

The condo far behind in between the palm leaves and house is overlooking at Highland Towers right below! Aha! Sudah tahu kan!!

Still tak tahu? Look below, another clue!

This is Siti Nurhaliza's mansion which is just a stone's throw away! I bet you have the answer right, spot on~!!!

If still dunno, your head must be some kinda EGG TART!

Muahaha-ha-ha-ha!

If you are my office colleague or ex-colleague, please don't ever post your answer or I will SLAP your mouth hard ok.

Ke-ke-ke-ke-ke!

Grandma Went To Europe

I have been busy lately, so my blogs says it. After grueling and nerve wrecking project for my client in Chengdu, I went into another hellish dimension. My client in another country is gonna be a long term stress for me. They are a big kiasu and 

kiasi corporation that demands nothing but flawless perfections.

I arrived at this hazy place after much confusion at the airport hunting for my chauffeur who waited at McDonalds as agreed. I found no McDonalds at the whole international airport! It has closed down due to poor business! Can you believe that? No free Coke  glasses for TZ here!

Security is always tight around here where expatriates live. Kinda s

wanky and better class suburban area.

This is the entrance to the latest shopping mall. A bit like Mid Valley to me.

Even their Chinese restaurant looked so merah and 

meriah!

This is where my client's office is located in this European designed building. Aha! You can now guess where I went to!

Bukan Europe, but the photos looked so Matt 

Salleh la.

Of course I had to try the best Padang food at their Garuda chain. A

t night I suffered flatulence! Too much chilly and curries la! My head was smoking like Gunung Berapi!

After a long tiring day, I tucked into a nice huge suite! I checked in alone to the hotel but my room already had visitors walking all over inside! So eerie!

3 Missing Guests & 1 Pork Leg

I was summoned by the Dowager Empress to have dinner at her Parkland Summer Palace last weekend. It was a long drive across the highland terrains and I arrived to see a half naked Canton Chef wokking in the kitchen, dishing up the concoctions for the annual Emperor's dishes!

Well it was still Mid Autumn and I arrived with trays of different Moon Cakes to appease the Dowager Empress.

The sumptuous dinner spread was laid on the banquet table, just like how Jay Chow munched in the show Curse of The Golden Flower!

The moment I sank into my chair, my teeth sank into the sea of Pork Leg Vinegar! Voila! It was 5 bowls of vinegar black soup which was heavenly delicious! The Pudding Tofu, Longevity Phoenix Cockerel dish, Dowager's Eternal Winter Melon Soup and fresh vegetables from the Garden of Eden filled my gold plated Ming dinner plate! 

In less than 30 minutes, the dishes were almost out of sight!

The Pork Legs reduced to 40%.

The Longevity Phoenix dish had only few feathers left.

The Tofu habis lah!

The sayur pun habis la!

At midnight, we presented TZ-Hilton's birthday cake to Jelly Boy who had 5 cakes so far for this year's birthday bash. What a popular icon indeed! Jealous! Jealous I am!

My sincere heartfelt thanks from the bottom of my heart and underwear to the Chef Anton who was fully clothed that night. Muahahaha! Just kidding hokay!

We enjoyed ourselves so much! The 3 musketeers were missing!

Great food was enjoyed and all future diners may register now for the next banquet sitting with the Empress Dowager.

Where Got Ghost?

Wahahahahahahahahaha!!

Ke Ke Ke Ke Ke Ke!

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!

Muahahahaha-hahahaha!

The patrons were all roaring with laughter inside the cinema over the Hokkien antics and slang. When the laughter died down, only Michi was still laughing loudly alone. Sure the patrons turned around to check whether it was a real Pontianak laughing!

It has been a long-long time since the last time I watched a movie. I always loved Jack Neo's movies esp the Liang Por-Por character. 

I always hated to queue up the long beeline at cinemas smelling the filthy hair of the guys or bimbos in front of me. That is the price to pay when you tower behind them. If I am shorter, probably I would smell their B.O. neck, whatever!! Every part smells like those China migrants as claimed by Anton. Blek!

So I got myself a FREE credit card from GSC/EON Bank at last, after much frustrations. Hail Mary, the card came with so many benefits, benefits & more benefits!!!! Just look here.

It is FREE from annual fees.

It gives me FREE RM100 movie credit. Hear that?

Every ticket is 10% off.

Look at the "Priority Lane" only for cardholders! Grandma no need to smell oily kutu hair anymore and no more ankle aches making beeline till McDonald's ice cream stall.

Got so many vouchers some more leh!.. FREE pop corns and BUY1 FREE 1 tickets! I just wonder how they gonna make money like this? I must ask our Chartered Chettiar Anton about this, he knows everything hokay! He even knows that China migrants don't shower wor! LOL ke ke ke ke ke ke!..

Go get yourself a card today lah and snip off all the other cards (Eh hello, EON-BANK is not paying me hokay) I am sweet and sharing good stuffs always lah.

Yenngga Poreng Ngeh?? This Kamala Chee probably served TZ the pop corn that night. So you know why TZ went to blek-blek-blek in the jamban 8 TIMES that day? I dunno who didn't wash their hands - TZ or Kamala Chee? Poor TZ boy, ass so red & sore. 

Ha ha ha!

Grandma's Hall Of Fame (Part 2)

This is gonna be my final part of my opinion on bloggers. I'm only posting the earlier ones I encountered and the other newbies will come in my Part 3, many moons later. 

Take no offense, grandma only speaks the truth! If you can't take it, to the hell with you! 

LOL.. ke ke ke ke...

This fella has so much similarity with me like my own mirror. His vulgarity, gym membership and even dwelling vicinity was so identical. Only our gender is different lah. He is a male and I am a Grandma! Ha ha ha...

I have some relatives who are still in the Bangkok show biz and modeling scene, so this guy keeps me posted. However, I find him rather weird, he never comments in Malaysian blogs! Worse, he doesn't reply comments! I know he will read this and might put my photo inside the next time his Mai-Yu pounds the "Som Tam" salad! Muahahaha!

This Indon guy was my silent reader and he amused me with his thoughts as I don't have Indon friends so far. I thought he was a kiasu tourist, not knowing that he studied in the kiasu republic and graduated recently. Rad Sujanto must be anak orang kaya!

He was the first blogger I ever met and we hit off so well till now. Little did I know that others did not hit the right chord with him. Hey, come on man, life is short and God is great! Why is God great? If we agree, then we should come out of our shells to reach others mah. God never created shells for us to hide inside. Eh Hello?

I always enjoyed teasing this bitchy blogger who never failed to tickle my ribs always! However, he should not be Queen B but instead "Queen E".... (Queen Emo!!!!) I am still waiting for her to reappear from long retreat inside her F.uckingham Palace. Mana tu Queen? Anyone knows?

Adoi! This kiasu spammer has gotten his contagious virus patented and we labelled it "H2N2" but recently his virus has advanced into "H10N10". What a bad karma! LOL... I am very curious to see this spammer's face as I know he/she buys egg tarts from Tong Kee! Does he/she look like tarts? Muahahaha!...

My Longkang blogger whom I never met coz he 'aeroplaned' me once and blamed everything else instead of himself. LOL... So I had to push the blame to TZ for eloping with him to hear a Santa sing! An interestingly unique father & son blogger teamwork he has. Sometimes I got confused as they both wrote too similar, so I suspected his son wrote all his posts too! LOL.. the son is not so shy like his father coz he posted his own photos but the father chickened instead. Either the Papa looks like a KFC mascot or Shah Rukh Khan! LOL... just kidding Ah Beng.

I found his link from TZ and he made me fat after reading his blog!! I went to try almost everything he had eaten and his food ratings were believable. Now a busy papa he is, yet he still blogs! 

Aha! Finally this much awaited blogger who was once an Indian blogger turned Chinese. Everyone thought he was an Indian coz he had an online shrine besides foreign scripts garlanding his post. His blog attracted me as I could pray online from my Mac Book many miles away. He made me think whether he could also post some e-Joss sticks and e-Food offerings to perfect his shrine. I could just click & drag my choice of offerings to offer! Today he has proven that he is a pure Chinese cum walking dictionary!! I will engage a hypnotist soon to discard his fear, so that my comments no longer need "Blogger's Approval". HAPPY 29th BIRTHDAY TO YOU!!!

We were really fated to know each other! He just googled "Lee Kuan Yew" and found an old shaky Grandma instead!! Muahahaha! He has more scary real life's complicated ghost stories too but never posted them up. Maybe Fei Mao can be his biographer since Angel is Fei Mao's e-god daughter. We are all waiting anxiously to meet Ken someday and play with his Mohawk hair besides admiring his collection of Giorgio Armani underwears! When are you cumming over?

This Leng Chai blogger has a huge following of readers spanning from the East to West of the world! So much crap talks has been hurled at him for being a horrendous fake and cheat but who cares? I have said that blogs are illusions and I just read them with open mind for free entertainment. If he is real, he need not prove to anyone that he is real. If he is a fake, then I salute him for being the most Innovative Blogger I have come across. You watched David Copperfield but you didn't call him a cheat! David was playing with illusions like Willy's Diary! Take it easy guys, you do read Harry Potter don't you? I have even received 1 stupid email asking why I am a grandma when I looked like a man? Did I go for a sex change operation? Muahahaha!

This blogger is amusing with lines that often sent me laughing so hard, when it was not even funny to others. Well, he often took me down the memory lane to during my college & dormitory days in Pennsylvania. We have so much similarities somewhere... Keep posting Evann!

He is like a journalist who posts light hearted food & travels which never offends anyone unlike Grandma! I used to rely on his blog for some movie previews as his taste was often reliable. I wonder why he used the name Tofu? Actually I love to eat Tofu! Now I get to read Tofu as well.

Oh dear, this dramatic blogger deserves a Gold Medal for giving us so much dinner table jokes to crack each time we met. Truly a young but not so innocent kid, his blogging style is very honest and brave indeed! How many of us would dare to reveal that we carry 3 marbles and 1 banana to the shithole? How many of us would talk about our aunty's vibrator besides inhaling orange aroma armpit hairs? Hairy Jerry is another Jerry Lewis at every dinner show. I am glad I know you Jerry, whether by fate or by crook!

The first time I saw him camwhored and posed for Lau Niang, I laughed so hard for days at his photos and clicked over 20 times to view them. It was so blardy artistic yet sooo funny. In the end, I admit that I tried it too and my jaws ached from laughter at my own photos. Now in Penang, I hope he loves my hometown!

I thought he was arrogant and I thought he was fierce but I was damn wrong! TZ is a humorous being and so direct like a dart. His photography often attracted me to read his blogs as I often had to direct professional photographers to shoot our client's products. So I learnt and admired TZ's style for free! 

A new blog that entertains me with envy on his travels! I can't wait to travel like FuFu! I wonder what he does for travelling and not working. Maybe he is a travel journalist, is he?

This is another clown blogger who is entertaining me with his originality. I wonder why he is called a Big Mouthed? Can he swallow a watermelon or something? LOL

Have a happy holiday guys!

Grandma's Hall Of Fame (Part 1)

I started this blog since July 2008 and my year old anniversary has passed without realization. I was too busy at work and shifting house lah. Let me tell you a bit about my blogging stuffs and history.

Please remember that BLOGS are mere illusions and you will be surprised that the real personality self of the bloggers are so different. Some looked like real monkeys with foul breaths when they actually posted their Tom Cruised faces in the blogs! I am what you see and hear in this blog, maybe worse in reality. Ask Anton and the rest who have *faint* spells after seeing me. LOL

I started getting involved with a Blog Forum in a Bangkok online newspaper by accident while looking up some news about my Thai actress niece. The forum is a crazy site which is still active till now with mostly foreigners vs Thais in a war of words. Of course I excelled in the blog wars BUT got banned eventually along with some foreigners for bitching against a Thai ex-prostitute. She was bitching against the "farangs" (foreigners : also mean potatoes) So we used the most vulgar words that could tarnish the Thai newspaper's name too. Worst of all, their hits escalated to thousands per day after our blog war news appeared in the UK's newspaper. Why?? I was shocked to discover that one of the blogger in my gang was a diplomat based in BKK and was ticked off for patronizing the Soi Cowboy and Soi Nana joints! See grandma is a famous old bitch in overseas, kan?

I have been bestowed countless blog awards but I didn't "frame" them up in my blog. I don't even know how to frame them up, so put them aside lah. Here, I will share my honest opinion about all the linked active bloggers which are too many but I will post them in 2 parts.  I never planned to pass on any blog awards as I felt it was unnecessary. Everyone has their own good styles, creativity and great humour. One blogger even gave multi orgasm awards until the recipients became H2N2 till H10N10 spammers! You know what I mean?

 In my earlier days, I only had few excitements, here and there in My Hall Of Fame... below

A long time comrade and buddy who has stood by me through the tsunami. I started reading his blog only and later clicked all the links from there to discover more screwed craps and merry excitements as well. 

Lifebook could often write just 5 lines and received easily over 10-20 hit comments!!! OMG!

Many a times, I wanted to buy him the Websters for his birthday, Christmas and Valentine's but never had the guts. LMAO!!

Michi being a straight As student since a kid and currently studying at OUM and UM, I am truly a nerd and illiterate when compared to her big brains. She loves Physics and Chemistry which I am ashamed to say I got F9 for both in my SPM. I am still learning daily from this genius teacher.

At the beginning, I was only getting active supports from both ET and William H (He evaporated!) I have seen ET blogging from JB till getting into the republic with a PR of Singapore! I wished I am the one getting the PR instead! I'm happy for ET, his luck and career has been riding UP smoothly since his flip flops were being played by ghosts outside his door. LMAO!!!

Like others, I was impressed with his talented writing skills where I often had to read 4-5 times to get the picture. I salute Savante's innovative thoughts! He was always blogging about someone mysterious like Agatha Christie's horrors and I had to open my torn dictionary often cos he used too many "BOMPLASTIK" words. You know a Grandma like me only blabs in foulest languages. Don't believe, ask Anton who gets my online face-masks coated with my phlegm saliva always! LMAO!!!

I was attracted to SK's style of writing in bi-languages! Now that takes up lots of patience and I could feel that he has a very kind heart to reach Grandma who is only a banana literate. Dunno how he became my Thamby along the way and the rest is history..... Kuch Kuch Hota Haiiiiiiiiiii. 

I love to read Fable Frog's blog so much and admired his fantastic photos coz no one could be more daring and creative than him on this planet! Agree????? He was the 2nd guy to give me a Blog Award for all my Grandma Ramblings! So now you know who gave me this name, ya??? Niak Niak Ribit! Ribit!

I just wonder if he knew that I stalked his blog for a long time when he used another blog name. His way of writing was too innocent that struck a chord in me. Then he went to open another blog and didn't notify me! Bluek! Luckily someone shook me of his new blog cave and I have been here since. I can't wait to see him become my personal GP someday! I am serious!

I read his blog from the front till the back but never saw his face coz he posted the back of his head only! LMAO! The topics he wrote often went well with my morning coffee at my office desk till now. When his angin is blowing, he blogs! So I hardly feel much angin these days. LOL

This terror lady and Grandma have so much in common! We have the same inferno temperature when our lava spewed out ashes and fire! So don't ever step our tails in the dark! She gave me the first ever Blog Award which boosted my interest to carry on till now. GOSH! Where has she been to? Her blog has severely expired with maggots multiplying eggs! Anyone knows? Hello Perky?!?!?!?!?!

I also stalked his blog for a while before I posted comments. I couldn't help giggling at all his photos as he was always flashing his colgate teeth in the happiest mood! He made me think that his world never had any sadness or frustrations! What a brilliant actor! I loved the Camwhore Aunty nickname that has been etched on him forever. Seems like all straights and bents love his eyes! So electrifying kan! Seeing is believing!

I read his post as it was rare that I could find my hometown kid blogging anywhere. He who baptized KY with the Camwhore Aunty's name should be a Camwhore Queen instead if you ever had the chance to read his other closed-down blogs. He so pandai pose and pose like a chinese Salman Khan with his hamsap eyes! Wow! Peeeet! Peeeeet!


This is truly a "My Diary" blog style which never failed to amaze me with her very innovative & special effect photos taken by a mere Samsung mobile phone! Like her talented designer dad, Edmund Ser, the creative blood still runs in his family. I enjoy the company of her mum and siblings!
I love this Lau Niang blogger coz he really made me laugh till my tears came out. His current style has changed to a safe-sex mode. LMAO!! You should have read his previous blog which could make corpses roll inside their graves with laughter for his silliest camwhore photos! Ke Ke Ke Ke!!

This kiddo was a silent reader at first. I think I pushed him to blog and he did just that. Now he has become good buddies with BengBeng and TZ till he even got a present. I was so damn jealous wor!!!!!! Now he doesn't even bother to drop comments in my blog anymore. Just like Kacang Lupakan Kulit. LOL..

That is all for today and stayed tuned for PART 2. Remember that Blogs Are Just Illusions!