Saturday, December 20, 2008

32 At The Mansion

I treated my parents out for a special dinner to celebrate their 51st Wedding Anniversary in Penang recently. Yes... 51 years is a long time but I am not anywhere that old. I have confessed being the spare tyre or found-in-the-trash baby as being told to Dr. Nase & Fable Frog.

My parents are so uniquely a glued pair of Yao-Char-Kwai as their friends labeled them. They had never quarreled even for once in their 51 years of marriage except for minor No-shiok & Muka-Masam bouts by mum, typical of a married woman. Let me tell you their secrets! Their marriage is so precious as mum came from a prominent Thai family where my maternal grandpa was then the Chief Police Officer of Thailand. He was so damn fiercely egoistic and powerful in his hey days that his presence scared the shit out of many. I was never allowed to stand when he sat down, so I had to crawl on the floor across the room like a small baby bear! Sometimes I still shudder at the thoughts of the extreme Thai manners. So naturally, he did not allow mum to be married away to a commoner of no status, no car and no money groom. He tried to marry mum off to a long line of Thai hunks but all attempts completely failed. After their 11 years of Whirlwind Romance & Forbidden Courtship, my grandpa finally gave up!

So he threw them very grand weddings in Penang, Bangkok & finally Phuket where my late grandpa last held his CPO stint on that tsunami hit island. Those days, the troubled South and beheadings were so unheard of. So it was very peaceful when the whole South of Thailand was under my grandpa's fiery iron fist. What boaster I am but I'm just sharing the truths mah! 

My dad went on to work hard and scrimped every dollar to buy a cheap car eventually. Later on, he obtained a Colombo Plan Scholarship to pursue his career in United Kingdom after his marriage. He also came back with a Gold Medal & Certificate from the Royal Ballroom Dancing of London. He danced, sashayed & competed on the dance floors till he clinched the Malaysian championship long before I arrived from cyberspace.

So last year, they had a big scale dinner & dance dinner to celebrate their 50th Anniversary where many very old & wobbling dancers of yesteryears showed up. It was a tough time running all over the place to entertain the demanding guests until my head was twilighting out colourful stars! This year, being the only sibling around, a small quiet dinner was decided which I thought should not be compromised. 
I chose 32 At The Mansion after hearing that Brokerback Mountain's producer Ang Lee had dined and shot a movie scene there.



This is the magnificent night view of the palatial 32 At The Mansion by the sea.



The welcoming entrance to the old charming colonial architecture.



They have several closed-door private dining rooms for quiet affairs flanked by butlers & hanging crystal chandeliers. You will feel like a Baron sitting at the head of the long table. I was trying to guess what movie Ang Lee had produced.



This is where the popular dining area where there's musical band in attendance on selected days. It was packed with Ang-Mohs and Tai-tais who appreciate such old fashioned & charming settings for the ceiling-priced meals.



This is my loving parents. My dad is 81 years old and my mum is 79 years old. They still keep every strand of their hair black and have personal skin specialist to laser off any aging spots or marks that appear on their faces! They carry similar jars of special eternal face creams which only Empress Dowager could only enjoy during the Ching Dynasty.  I am not kidding you!



My dad still drives around bravely until reaching Cameron Highlands but occasionally got lost along the way home after buying groceries nearby his condo. His memory is failing due to his advancing age. They still try to visit friends and relatives England & Europe every year but I doubt they still have the energy next Summer. I stole this recent photo from his camera where they visited Blackpool in UK.



They went all the way there just to witness the World Ballrooom Dance Competition in Blackpool. I would think that was crazy! I would rather view the pirated DVDs.



When Hollywood filmed "Anna & The King" movie in Penang years ago, they approached my parents to give quick dance lessons to Chow Yuen Fatt and Jodie Foster. My humble father declined the offer and I was so damn shocked & very horrified!!! My dad replied that they don't need the publicity and money! Oh shit, I was grumbling for days over the Gone-With-The-Wind offer! Later someone told me that my mum does not support that show which belittled the Thai monarch. Oh yes, she is a very kau or pekat Monarch loyalist! No wonder that show was banned in Thailand too. Oh mommy dearest!

I will be deleting some sensitive contents in this post soon. What happens if my siblings found out all the leaked news. Twilight will be beheaded! 


You have a Good Weekend buddies!



Wednesday, December 10, 2008

A Really Haunted House

I have a friend who is a retired bachelor and lives alone in a huge condo at Kelana Jaya. He converted his 4 room condo into a single room bachelor's pad overlooking a nice PJ view. Every year, he would habitually go alone on back-packing travels in overseas like 7 months in total. All his life he has been a rather weird antique collector and filled his whole house with only antique furnitures, vases, collectibles and statues. Only his kitchen uses modern day cabinets & washing machine. I have terrible phobia to enter his house whenever he called me over. I have no problem walking in a cemetery alone at night but not his house! His whole condo unit is filled with sad and weird ghosts who were mostly past owners of all the old antiques in his house. 
EEEeeeeeee! So damn eerie and all my head & pubic hair are standing upright now!

The wandering ghosts were too attached to those old antique wares and would still cling to them until TODAY! Whenever I visited him, I would have to chant mantras non stop otherwise the football field of spirits would bite and suck my frequency hungrily as no one offers them food and prayers for over a hundred years. The ghosts would murmur all sorts of noise everywhere like really hungry and desperate ghosts calling you.

Yesterday morning, I went over to fetch this weird and grumpy friend to the airport at 4.30am as he was flying off to India. He never allowed me to shoot any photos of his place no matter how I begged, so I just used my mobile phone! He is very rich but lives inside this dark haunted place with poorly lit small lamps! So my photos are so damn shit Blurr, no matter how I photoshop the sharpness & brightness. Forgive me yeah but at least I am sharing a real haunted place in this blog.






The dark entrance into his unit on the 14th floor. He changed all the entrance doors with some ancient shophouse's sliding wooden door! He hung a matching big wooden sign with carved gold letters in Chinese. His front is so different from the neighbours because he is gila.



He prefers to use a one speed old cranky fan which was made in Germany before WW2.


This is his tea parlour where he would occasionally entertain. Guests would sip hot oolong tea using antique pots and cups.


He has many floor to ceiling shelves displaying few hundreds of antique Chinese female artisan statues and animal figurines backdating to the Ming and Tang dynasties! They all cost a big bomb today. He would buy same pattern in dozens like one shelf displayed over a dozen of exact Laughing Buddhas and birds! What's the reason he has to collect so many exact pieces? He is really Siau Lang as I have pointed out.


This is his drawing room where he paints calligraphy and relax on his favourite Manchu's canvas deck chair. These corner pieces were mostly produced before the fall of Ching dynasty, judging from the typical scholar outlook of Emperor Puyi's era . I know some antique details as I had to study bloody Art History before in the States. I bloody hated that subject lah and copied during exams! Ha ha ha!


I am pretty sure my friend is the incarnation of an old Chinese Empress or bitchy mouthed concubine as he has all the mannerism like one, with harshest flaming mouth like the Empress Dowager. He could even cleverly arrange this long Rosewood Pearl inlaid bench with gold leafed screen standing behind and flanked by 2 Ming Dynasty vases holding 100 peacock feathers! This is similarly to how Empress Dowager CiXi arranged her corner inside the Summer Palace in Chengde, China.


He stores all his clothes and boxers inside the many trunks and beautifully carved Rosewood chest of drawers.


This is the most horrifying poster bed where he sleeps at night. It's all bloody RED COLOUR from the bed sheets, blankets to the hanging drapes and wall. This is very bad and any Feng Shui master would agree to this as unsuitable colour choice to sleep. I am sure the hungry vampires suck all his chi and energy at night, making him so ill tempered like a slut bitch.


This is the Opium Bed which is too dark to be seen but many ghosts are always lying on it still inhaling pipes of imaginary opium. I never liked to stand near this opium bed. This is the only dwelling place with the most wandering spirits I had ever encountered and blame it on my friend for inviting them! It is not a wise idea to collect too many old antiques at home.

I went home that night, too tired to cross over gold paper flames to cleanse the following ghosts clinging to my clothes and body. As a result, I had a very bad nightmare that burglars stole my passport & money. I just cried so hard in my dreams as I would be traveling this Friday. I woke up in disbelief that my passport and cash are still with me! Yippeee!

I will smoke my whole house tonight with the Tibetan weed incense and the spirits would leave.






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