Monday, December 20, 2010

Breakfast WIth VVIP

How are you guys keeping there? I have been drinking so much, 2 nights in a row. First night was with clients from the leading electrical brands at the opening of a local pub in PJ. It was free flow of beer with lots of crispiest roasted pork and grilled lamb complete with special chef's mint sauce and frills. They even had live performance on stage by 2 almost nude bimbo dancers to thrill the drunkards. So Sickening!!

Last night was another stint with my mother-in-law who was hosting a dinner to commemorate her new house warming. She oddly threw the dinner at a restaurant instead and started pouring beer for the guests. Her drinking bouts got her mood frenzy and she challenged me, one glass after another, all bottoms up. The drinking spree continued on to her new home where she pulled out her karaoke mikes to croon her old Chinese oldies. More beer flowed and she stuck the wrong cord by belittling my drinking ability. Oh my hell, I went into trance with her and we created such a noisy fare & ruckus that disturbed the whole neighborhood. We downed over 20 mugs of beer each and I successfully floored her into a drunk helpless woman! Ha ha ha! I was so happy and drove back to KL in 2 hours feeling elated like a devil!

I have been busy with my work as the company's new division which I will head as the GM will kick off soon with the green light given by the relevant Ministry. Besides hectic workload, I was busy training for my coming Mount Kinabalu climb next Wednesday.

I have been climbing Bukit Gasing every weekend, using all routes to scale the little mountain. I worry that I will freak out at Mount Kinabalu as the single journey up there would take no less than 12 hours with a night's stay at the halfway. May God bless me to reach the peak!
I had a slight hangover this morning and hiked for 2 hours with my wobbling legs struggling before deciding to have the best Roti Chanai for breakfast nearby.

When I arrived at Raju's, I noticed something odd outside the street. The MBPJ truck was there making reserved space for cars. The police outriders were arriving ahead as well. Oh well, this place is so famous that you will always see local celebrities and VIPs tucking in for breakfasts and lunch everyday.

We shared table with a bimbo actress who wore thick sunglasses, making much fuss with the waiters, ordering them around like a queen. I enjoyed my 2 pieces of crispy Roti Chanai on banana leaves. All of a sudden, the bodyguards stormed into the alfesco section where I sat and shoved the crowd to allow the VVIP to walk in.

Oh, so our dear DPM had arrived with his attractive wife and entourage of almost 20 close-knit family members!! There was a long table reserved for them ahead and their food was immediately served while I had to wait for more than half hour. Not fair!

A snide remark was overheard that we taxpayers paid for his petrol to come all the way from Putrajaya in so many cars. Well, that's fabulous life in the fast lane!

If you have not tried this place, do pay a visit there to savour exotic Indian food even though the menu is slightly pricey. It's delicious and our DPM enjoyed too.

Monday, December 6, 2010

A Memorable Wedding

I don't really enjoy attending weddings these days and I guess I had too much of them from young. My paternal grandpa had 3 wives and 17 children with 58 grandchildren in total. I being the younger generation had to attend nearly all the weddings of my cousins since the day I could open my mouth to eat. It was fun when we are still kids as we do not need to know what is 'ang-pow' for.

Now that I am a working adult, I have been giving them out often, so I feel the pocket pain and value of red-packet gifts. This month alone will have 3 weddings and my pocket will be burnt along with Christmas around too.

Last night, I had to attend my younger boss' wedding! Yeah he's such a young boss in his 30s and tied the knot with a sweet bride from Penang, my hometown!

I must say that it was a unique wedding and I truly enjoyed the surprises. They had such a huge size wall for the guests to sign their wishes. That night saw all the prominent VVIPs, Politicians, Pak Datos, Mak Datins and distinguished guests like Twilight Grandma of course! Ahem! They all trotted in and hung outside the foyer for cigars, beer, cocktails and exchanged horrendous gossips! I still heard the Mongolian murder tales! OMG!

The Devil Wears Prada! That's my first Prada jacket which I yanked off from a warehouse sale for just under RM500 and no one knows that's a flthy cheapo, isn't it? Sshhhh!... So many people and sluts camwhored here pretending they were in Hollywood's red carpet ceremony! Siao!

The iPhone photo effect of the Platinum plated Bells for every invited guests. How to tell they are platinum? Maybe my boss was bragging nonsense but he sure has expensive taste. My Alphard Boss, this groom boss and many male staff are chain smokers inside our office premise itself! I hate it so much to share their daily air pollution and wish to file a complain! Where can I report?

Suddenly, the guests heard music from bag pipes as they led the arrival of the bridal couple. I just found out the groom's grandpa is a Scottish man! His whole entire sibblings are just like a box of Oreo Cookies and I was told the grandma could be an Indian! My boss looks like a white filling Mat Salleh in the middle and sandwiched by the black cookie brothers! I'm just kidding but it's true.

It has been years since I last heard of bag pipe music and it reminded me of Prince Charles in his skirts!

Here comes the Chinese Bride~!! She is so tall, very attractive and truly very down to the earth's core!!! Just wait and I will tell you why!.... The delicious food was served immediately at almost 9.00pm ~ SO LATE!!!! OMG!!! I was so damn hungry that I finished all my chocolate cake and downed 3 glasses of orange juice to fill my croaking stomach! I heard per table costs almost RM2000 but my ang-pow didn't tally!! He's the boss, so what????

After the boring speeches and cake cutting, we heard a sudden bursts of loud familiar music! It was a loud Hindi musical, sung happily in the dance movie of Bollywood's Shah Rukh Khan and Aiswarya Rai...!!! The pretty bride and dashing tuxedo groom stood up at once and started twisting their bodies, making their way bravely up onto the stage behind their main table! Their Mumbai's backup dancers were prancing on stage ahead, to join them! This really got all guests by surprise and my jaw just dropped down in disbelief! My boss really danced so hard with his bride, out against the music tune but it was so hilarious and everyone clapped & cheered wildly!

The Press Photographers hurriedly clicked the photos and here I am sharing with you guys ahead!

My crazy boss was severely drunk and dead pissed before the dinner ended! Heh! Heh! It seems like everyone got their revenge and made him drink bottoms up! I truly enjoyed that night of Bollywood surprises!

Thursday, December 2, 2010

The Guts To Invest

I was very elated and sang like a lark since I embarked into my new job pastures as blogged earlier. I managed to sell 5 houses and 1 factory, alone single handedly by my own sweat. It was no easy feat at all, knowing that all the fussy buyers were merely cash rich investors only, so making them to sign their cheque books required some Grandma's sweet talking crappy skills and curry spices to convince them to the fullest details. My Alphard boss was happier of course, as my original job isn't selling his properties at all. Now he will probably rope me in to prepare for their next coming tender for the biggest ever residential development project in the North. Yay!

When I get to smell my small cash rewards next year, I plan to fly off for a long vacation somewhere exotic and eye opening. Guess where?? I am dreaming of riding the hunched camels in the Gobi Desert along the China's historical Silk Road, besides visiting the ancient terracotas of Xian and watch the merry folk dances by Urumugi natives. Yay!

I think I inherited some property trading and arm-twisting from my old mum since I was a small little brat. In those old days, she built a whole row of tall shophouses in the sleepy town of Songkhla's main street and rented them out. That's when her tenants' nightmares began and she dealt one by one with a clenched fist and chopper in hand. Mum's tenants were all big male tyrant bullies and I remembered one asked us to take as many shoes we fancied from his shop in exchange for back dated unpaid rentals. Sadly, we took none as they were so damn old fashioned and many suited the Thai farmers or Phua Chu Kang!

Then, my late grandpa added to her woes and rented away her huge piece of empty prime land to some agriculture farmers near the famous Prince of Songkhla University. It was always fun to tag along as I had never seen a real stinking animal farm and I remembered singing "Old McDonald Had A Farm, Ee-ya-Ee-ya-O".... There were so many chicken coops and pig sties all over the vast green vegetable plots. I heard the din of hens clucking and pigs' grunt oink-oink while I stepped on all their manure dumps everywhere!

Mum was screaming at her tenants for not paying their rents and my grandpa was so soft to settle for 2,000 EGGS each month instead of cash. Back home near the famous touristy Mermaid's statue, my Thai cousins went bonkers and in tears for having to eat omelettes for every meal with lots of home baked cakes and all-egg desserts. They were farting egg pongs so much daily at home with their cholesterol and testosterone levels escalating each day. They all have phobia till today to consume eggs!

When I went to study in the States, I was surprised that I had the big guts to take up a lovely yuppie's trendy condo to rent for myself after a horrific stay experience at the typical nightmarish American boarding school. You can imagine those cafeteria dining fights, common open stalls male shower and corridor pranks by notorious African students on Asian targets. I had enough of that share, just like shown in the Hollywood movies with our own rebellious Oriental gang. Naturally, I pampered myself with this swanky condo and found a rich Korean and Japanese whimp housemates to pay the exhorbitant rent to suit my fancy! Later on, a homeless Korean gal who was kicked out by her landlord begged to join us 3 guys but we had no extra room for her. So, I wickedly rented her the sofa to sleep every night for US$80 per month!! That was a bomb price over 10 years ago. So, that was my first taste of real estate business.

Now back to my KL's scene today, I have been chatting with several landlord friends lately on their nagging headaches with their respective tenants. Late rentals and property damages seem to be top in the list of problems but I quickly pointed out the need to endure these expected shits while watching the prices of their properties appreciate.

Hey guys, please remember that this sort of investment requires your tremendous tolerance and utmost patience so that you could smile when you sell off your unit at a higher handsome price later. You will soon beam & laugh your way to the bank and forget all the stress your fugly tenants had given. Heeeeeeeee!

I don't mind sharing just 1 case of my current tenants who have been renting my units. 10 years ago, I lived in this petite high rise condo below which sits on a convenient and central KL's location, besides offering me the panoramic view of KL's skyline and Genting Highlands silhouetted against the dotting luxury bungalow homes on the sprawling hill. From my windows, it was like a good feng shui for me to admire their posh properties to keep my brain cells positive and probably inhale their wealthy 'chi' from afar. Kekeke!

  • The view of KL and Genting Highlands from my window.

I hired a property agent to select a suitable tenant from the waiting list. Yes, there were a number of potential tenants waiting to grab this convenient condo. I met this potential who is a married Iranian student with a cute face resembling actor Tobey Maguire. His conservative wife was heavily veiled in black from head to toe. They were polite and friendly, so we signed the contract with agreement that I had to change all the brand new soft lights to normal bright ugly flourescent tubes for his long study hours! Fine, I was sympathetic and forked out money to remove all my brand new lamps!

The second weekend after they shifted in, he called me to complain that there were so many dogs outside his window!
OMG! What dogs??? There were so far below outside where there's a popular weekly dog training session which has drawn lots of owners from all over Klang Valley! I told him off that he had all the lovely view to admire and not to look down below at the canines. What a stupid Iranian tenant I have got! He took great offense at the sight of dogs outside.
He finally wore my patience out after I have seen his number on my phone so many times over the years. I got my property agent to silence him forever and it worked cos I have threatened to kick him out.

1. He wanted me to replace all the blown lights and tubes which I did.
2. He wanted the 3rd air con in the living room cos his parents were visiting & Malaysia is fucking hot! I told him to pack his bloody bags and GO HOME!!
3. His bathroom leaked to the unit below and I had to repair them costly! Gosh! I guessed he and his wife must be having wildest kinky sex ala stomping camel style in the bathroom till my tiles cracked!
4. He complained the unit above leaked into his room and my sub-con told me it was the air con's pipe. My tenant is a confirmed moron doing his Phd. studies!!
5. He wanted to hang his photos and got me to drill nail hooks on my walls! I made him climb my walls instead!
6. He always paid his rent superbly late and blamed his internet was down to transfer. Fucked him I did, with the help of my agent.

This is my best advice that you need to hire and love your agent who can do tremendous jobs for you! My Iranian tenant has been tamed like an obedient camel and renewed another year! I am sharing and not complaining all this as the price of that unit has soared up 200% since its launch 10 years ago. Not all tenants are bad and I have another set of good heaven-sent tenants who never raised my eyebrows. We need to have the guts to invest in properties! Smile no matter what because the tenants are paying while your property is appreciating.

If you have no guts but doubts on property matters, feel free to ask me over coffee!

Thursday, November 18, 2010

My Winter Holidays

Where are you guys going for your Winter vacation?
Last Winter , I went skiing and ice sledging in the mountains of Korea. Remember how I met the Korean celebrity on the plane? I really had whale of a great time with my friends during that trip.
Guess where I have planned for my Winter holidays next month?

I have booked a trip to go hiking in the alps of Borneo Island on Christmas Eve! I have started my rigorous training daily by taking long walks from 5km till 10km. I also went back to my condo and ran up and down 22 floors besides taking big strides like 3-4 steps per climb. My groins and knees are aching and killing me now.

FACTS You Need To Know!!!

- Mount Kinabalu is the tallest in SE Asia @ 4,101 metres (13,455 feet)
- Accorded UNESCO World Heritage status

- You get to see 4,500 species of plant, 326 species of birds and 100 species of mammalian species besides Orang Utans
- The world's largest flower Rafflesia is there

- Mount Kinabalu is closer to heavens compared to Kuala Lumpur
- I might see Santa Claus waiting at the peak on X'mas Eve

The beginning will be trekking through miles of thick tropical jungles in winter jacket attire! The steps are so steep for miles! I will have to sleep for 1 night half way, somewhere! There will be 1 hired guide to lead us all the way up and down with more guides to carry my bags, water and cosmetics!

The next morning at 2:00 am, will be the 2nd part which will be all rocks scaling till the peak. So dangerous and exciting like a Fear Factor sequence. I will need to have bigger lungs, stronger arms and legs! The air gets thinner and thinner up there.

I must train hard and not freak out later!

Have you ever hiked to Mt Kinabalu?
Please advise me what else to do!

I have to reach the peak before sunrise to plant my "Twilight" flag there! After camwhoring NSEW, we all have to hurry and climb down fast before the sun burns and incinerate me to ashes!

Whooa! Rushing down all the way in tight ropes like this is slippery and so frightening. I might have to increase my insurance coverage!

I stole all these photos from internet and wonder if the above photo is stained with snow falls? I have no idea.

Look! Santa Claus will be there on Christmas Eve!
Tell me your wish list and I will ask Santa!
No promises okay!
Ho Ho Ho Ho Ho! Merry Christmas!

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Here I Am

I have recently embarked into greener pastures after a total of some 10 grueling years working with a Hongkie tyrant. It was a blessed opportunity that he managed to bring the entire brood to tour inside Hong Kong's TVB studios at Clearwater Bay and watch the real movie makings in action. Thanks to him for all the connections he had, including a Chinese Godfather residing in Long Island, NY.

I have been keeping tight lipped about my career's advancement until I heard a fresh rumour today from a reporter from Chinese-Press. He heard that I have teamed up with a bitch to set up our own firm. Oh no, I better post into this blog some truths before the twisted news get mangled further.

Well, I have several bosses today in this fleet of companies where 2 of them have to be addressed as YBs. It has been a real eye opener for me with their style of work and pace. New paths are mapped out and fresh venues are graced. Prior to this, I never had meetings at flight departure lounges, inside moving cars and even at the parliament's cafeteria. I have also been selling houses in between the cracks of my teeth to survive. That's how tough life could be.

Boss buzzed me on my intercom and invited me for a joy ride.

"What Joyride?" I gasped.

He ordered a car from N A Z A! My heart sank through the floor and there goes Bye-Bye to my bonus next year! I heard this model costs him around RM200K. Crazy!

It was so damn shiok to sit right behind this spacious monster, resting my long legs wide apart listening to the home theatre system's music. Boss sped off at the steering with his bodyguard behind and his 2nd wife in tow.
I was dreaming about the day I could buy that car. No I won't buy this monster, I would rather travel the whole world instead.

Now we have to decide the 2 digit number plate which will cost another bidding price at RM20K to RM30K! Why are some humans throwing money like that?

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Around Penang Island In 88 km

I consider myself as fortunate to grow up in Penang Island which is truly a unique haven. It has exotic landscapes, yummylicious hawker food, Legolas Beh Teh Saw, heritage buildings and nicest people like ME! Agree? (blek! blek! blek!)

I plan to retire and spend my last Twilight years, back to Penang of course! I have found the ocean front condo which I have eyed with a lovely balcony to laze on my rocking chair and watch the golden sunset everyday. You can just do the same and be my neighbour too.
No wonder Penang was voted as the "2nd Must Visit Destination" in the world by NEW YORK TIMES!

Recently, I joined the entourage of an elite group of KL cyclists to Penang for their crazee event to cycle around the island - 88 KILOMETRES of uphills, down slopes and through deadly terrains.

At 7:00am sharp, over 2000 hotties clad in their tightest biker shorts were flagged off from my favourite Municipal Council's Building at Fort Cornwallis.

They came in all sizes and colourful shapes, showing off their kinkiest racing bikes which costs anything from RM1000 to over RM20,000 for a 2 wheelie! That's outrageous price these days for designer bikes from London, Paris or New York. Silly me, just bragging the wrong cities for bicycles. Their costly outfits alone could outshine my Prada jacket, with their well padded shorts equipped with auto-protruding genitals booster.

An expired blogger was there too.

The thousands of cyclists rode excitedly to greet the morning's golden sunrise by the sea @ Esplanade.

Penang's contour is really winding with so many narrow streets along the coastal lines. Nothing much could be done to widen the roads as that would require blasting the hills.

The first victim of tyre punture. He mended and patched his leak with his own sticky saliva!

I was surprised that one of the many water-stations actually belonged to Rotary Club Of Bukit Bintang!

Argh! Poof! Quish! Erhhh! The road was steep towards Pulau Betong.
Notice 2 guys camwhored lovingly all the way!

The narrow roads before Telok Bahang are in widening stage now. The new road will be opened soon after many years of delay.

This is the huge water reservoir at Telok Bahang.

Nearing the end, along the famous Gurney Drive's stretch.

Many supporters carried words of encouragement under the hot blazing sun. I think they were unpaid clowns doing that!

The red shirts were not Thaksin's protestors but shutter bugs waiting to catch the best angles.

At the end of the cycling event, thousands of racers and moutain bikes were strewn all over the streets. What a rare sight!

This guy came back last of course!

The whole 88 km ride was just to campaign for a new cycling lane!!!
Oh Gosh! I think it won't happen!

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Krispy Wormee Ala' Chiengmai

All my life, my mum has been giving me multiple heart attacks and goose bumps with her shocking Siamese tales and bizzare Thai foodies. In her native Thailand, they eat almost anything that moves, flies, clings or crawls. She taught me the ways to identify the origins of the Thai cookings or dishes.
A simple example ~ Chiengmai food often looked messy and leafy. Southern food is usually sour and maybe too spicy. Insects like bugs, grasshoppers and ants eggs are from remote towns.
On my trip home last weekend, she gave me a box of tidbits and I fainted on the spot. She got them from Chiengmai, of course! So I shared with few hotties who came over to my home. They loved it so much and camwhored.
Let's see who makes the best advertisement for this Thai Food.

Hottie A

Hottie B

Hottie C

Hottie D
They loved to eat them all..

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Tai Kam Koong

On the recent 10.10.10 day, I saw many wedding invitations flying across and I managed to attend just 2, at a wee hour registration and the other a night banquet. Without much choice, I was assigned to be the photographer for the 7.00am session when my photography is self-rated as hopeless. Hey, I studied a photography subject in States but had been hiring professionals to get my job done. That's how agencies work, yeah...

Last night, I watched my favourite gossip E! Channel over Astro and they ran again the fantabulous wedding of the Mittal's Steel heiress.

Her lavish wedding was believed to be the most expensive in the world costing a whopping US$60 MILLION! They hired Kylie Minogue and Shah Rukh Khan to perform too. I had seen their huge mansion perching at the posh end of London's Mayfair, so $60 million is nothing to them. Imagine, how this money might help feed and house the millions of slum dwellers in India or Africa. None of my business anyway.

I had attended many close cousins and friends' weddings where many had various sweet bitter endings. Sadly, a high number ended in divorce! Seems like a trend now to pack up and walk out at the first sign of betrayal. 99% of the divorce cases were due to 3rd parties. What a waste of my wedding gifts, time and petrol!!

Once I attended a close friend's wedding at the Penang Chinese Town Hall where her wealthy Gold Merchant dad invited over 1300 guests consisting of all the Jewelry Shop bosses in town to attend too. Halfway, at the 5th dish, a gang of Chinese triads rushed into the hall with parangs and attacked some guests, smashing liquor bottles and turning tables over! We all ran for our lives before wailing sirens of police cars arrived. By then, many guys had suffered deep slashes all over their necks, shoulders and arms! Till today, I never knew the real truths!

Wedding times have changed!

I took this mammoth portrait and pano-stitched 3 photos together! Not bad eh!
Over 200 hundred couples signed and vowed that morning. The 2nd session in the afternoon saw some 160 couples! It was such a tiring morning for me to jostle in the huge dizzy crowd!

This is the groom who believed that the Phoenix sent his wife from heavens! Guess how I did that shot? Pandai kan!!

The night before, I attended a cousin's wedding eve and they gave me an eye opener!
They hired the Lok-Lok's van which parked outside and all the guests enjoyed dipping the foodie sticks! It was a nice change to eat that way.

The owner of the Lok-Lok cart was so young and looked like a blogger who reads my blog too. You can reach him at 016-9766623 for any special orders!

The groom proudly showed off his wedding albums which were taken overseas!

Next morning, the groom arrived home in the family's Lexus with a stunning Hong Kong bride clad in her vibrant gold and silver studded Tsimshatsui Chinese costume!

Whoooa! Move Over, he screamed! I was shocked to see a kempt Tai Kam Koong in action! He was such a smooth talker, beating all the Tai Kam Chiehs I had seen. For your info, I was once a best-man for 13 times!! It was my duty to plan, manage and tick off any Tai Kam Chiehs who flawed! This guy I saw was superbly well polished with no flaws. Thumbs Up!

His knowledge on tea ceremony procedures was execellent, knowing how to get the couple to pray and greet the ancestors and deities which is an important factor to consider the wedding as solemnised in the eyes of the spriritual world.

That night, Kam koong turned MC and sang all Anita Mui's songs! He crooned, pranced and danced on stage like Rose Chan wrestling a python.

He drew the excited crowds to participate with his tasteful jokes and dragged my Singaporean diva aunty up onstage to dance! Everyone would not have had a good time without this Tai Kam Koong! Have you seen such a man on duty?

The Day My World Ended

At sunrise of 3rd August, my wife came to fetch me in her brand new car. She sped all the way through the morning traffic to Shah Alam. It w...