Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Wish My Papa Is Rich

How nice if my Papa is Rich today! 
I would be driving this flashy car to have my breakfast weekly.

Perhaps I would even own 2 similar beauty in my garage! 

Now cut the crap, I have been eating at Papa Rich @ 3rd Mile ~ Jalan Klang Lama almost weekly since its door was opened. I have brought no less than 20 friends consisting many bloggers, bimbos, sluts, Koreans, Japanese and etc.

Everyone knew that I am hell'a fire mouthed and grumbled so much at the manager for all the shortcomings, wrong orders, snail service and screwed up servings! I am not kidding and many bloggers were my witnesses armed with cameras! So scary to serve me, yeah!

Well, I had every intention to patronize this Papa Rich for a long time as it's conveniently located within my enclave. I like its ambience and good ventilation, never mind the shortcomings! I was always busy chatting and gossiping all the latest gory tales laaa.

I had given a tough time to its manager James but this fella was always smiling so hard and being polite to this fussy grandma! LOL.. Everyone loved his tolerance and it really pays off.

After some months, the service has become prompt and precise.  Just like a statue having to brave 1000 knocks to make it perfectly shaped, hence Grandma's grumblings has died down too.

My favourite eggs remained its yolky best.

See! The tarts don't crack anymore! James never believed that we were served cracked tarts! No wonder Jerry has evaporated. Grandma very pantang one you know.

This steamed wholemeal bread is always suitable for me to swallow.

I dragged a professional photographer to have breakfast, hoping that he could snap all the flaws. Alas, it was a nice Sunday to see James grinning at Grandma. Heee heee!

Smoking peace pipe at last! One for the album ~ Grandma & James Lee, the boss wor!

If you cum here, don't quote Grandma's name, no discounts one lah! Just ask me to tag along and I might beg toothsome James to give us FREE egg tarts each! Hooray!

Mana tu James? He promised to comment & endorse egg tarts!
Heh heh!

If you ever think that I am getting paid for this post, CB to your cleber thoughtssss!

Sunday, December 6, 2009

Let's Do It Together!

A while ago, I received some spam mails which showed very gory photos that hit my spine instantly. My head was numbed and sent my chilly thoughts racing again over an old issue.

Some years ago, Michi signed up to make a pledge and proudly showed me her card! 
OMG I was shocked in disbelief and squirmed like Yuen's shrimp.

She wants to donate all her organs to the hospital to benefit the needy or medical studies!
~ EEEeeekk !! ~

Grandma's heart sank, selfishly.

When I received this gory email, my heart fluttered again and I made some research. I read the Buddhist sutra books that says ~ If one pledges to donate his organs, upon death, the heavens would ascend to receive his soul before any doctor could knife his corpse!

I think many death row prisoners who pledged themselves, had secured places in the Land Of Eternity.

Who doesn't want to live above in the heavens? Maybe KEENYEE prefers his current abode. The old man or rather the soothsayer oldie must have failed to convince him!

In Tibet, when one dies, they have no burials or cremations except to pledge their bodies to the hungry Vultures!

Look at the birds! So big and fat, making nice X'mas turkey substitutes! 

They would slice the dead bodies into multiple shreds for easier consumption or feast!

The birdies of feather come together and fiesta! They would chomp and munch to their hearts contents!

Now, who is getting the best part ~ The Head!
Flip the coin, head I win and tail you loose!

The undertaker would carry the skeleton like his overnight luggage!

He would axe them into tiny pieces!


The birdies enjoying the last bits and dessert pieces! So yummy yum yum!

After hearty meals, they would ascend on their flight to heavens, probably sending your soul along, upwards too.

It took me a long while to digest and I am considering to make a pledge as my New Year's 2010 Resolutions.

Who would like to join me to get the forms? Maybe I should give the forms to all my selfless blogger friends here.

Saturday, November 28, 2009

My Retirement Plans

Have you ever thought about your retirement plans when you reach 55 or 60 years old? I think I will open a junk shop and sell off all my old Grandma stuffs. It was an accidental hobby that I inherited so much plates, bowls, vases, fabrics, paintings, brick brats and unwanted stuffs since I was a tot. I even had to turn away my Grandpa's Ford Model-T vintage car coz I was only 11 years old then!

Naturally, I grew up to appreciate arts and antiques along the way, picking up some during my travels. I never bothered to evaluate them or thought what I could do with my stuffs until I became a member of the antique collectors' society in Europe.

Every morning, without fail, I would log into the local STAR online newspaper and thereafter to the antique auctioneer's website. Recently, I had the biggest shock with numbed jaws to see this pair of wooden ducks for sale!

OMG! It was so shocking that I have to pinjam their duckling photos to share with you guys!

Yes, a whopping US$ 2 MILLION DOLLARS!
Would you ever buy a pair of royal iteks for 2 million American dollars? I might keep this photo instead and donate the cash to charity instead. I am dead curious to find out the new owner soon!

So Grandma decided to sell off everything someday when the plates and bowls hit RM10,000 a piece! Maybe my fellow wealthy blogger friends KEENYEE the Arabian Prince or TZ the Ugandan Prince will hopefully become my regular clients.

Now take a peek into Grandma's cottage.

My dining table has 2 tier glass where I display some plates and bowls made during the Ming and Qing dynasties on the frosted lower tier.

During the end of Ming Dynasty, the unique crockery was invented where the plate was attached to a bowl below to lay out VERY SPECIAL food. So I placed Gratitude-Anton's Yam cake on my special china and chomped away happily using my finest Lucky 9-Dragon plate!

If Gratitude-Anton cooks his Bear's Paw Ginseng Soup for me, I will happily drink & slurp it from this very special Emperor's tall serving bowl like the above.

This huge Qing Dynasty bowl is Grandma's all time favourite ~ look at its embossed vibrant colours, all meticulously hand painted!

Another Qing yellow bowl which I strongly believe that brings very good feng shui as having many happy flying birds would mean frequent travels and vacation awaits!
The Ming Blue & White bowl below would make good container for my pop corns!

I am praying hard that much of my finest & rarest collections lying at my estranged brother's villa would someday be returned to me. I would be able to open a junk and flea shop by then!

Fellow bloggers, what could we do when we retire? 

Yum Cha every night!!

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

50% @ 5:00PM

I often meet my clients at their developer's office inside a hotel which is located in KL's worst traffic hub! Somehow, my 1 client is a chain smoker, so have to smoke outside his office which is at the coffee house below.

Naturally, I would be entertained to cakes and coffees, always making my belt tighter.

I swear that their Blueberry Cheese cake is better than Hilton's or Secret Recipe's ~ not too sweet and just nice!

If I have meetings after 5:00pm, all the cakes would be sold at 

50% OFF!

They have little choices but they are freshly baked each morning. By 5:00pm, they will lelong at half price without putting any signboard or notice.

You just need to go there and open your big mouth to confirm that it's 50% off after 5:00pm daily.

You save a lot by buying them to celebrate any occasion with your loved ones!

Please do not ask me where, just look closer at the cakes and you will see the hotel's name there!

Happy Eating!

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Making Merits Before 2012

So many fellas have blogged about 2012! Some got worried and some like Foong Pak Choi looks forward to experience the last day of the world. I was tickled by many such retarded comments! 

Everyday, since my intestine got ruptured and me being wheeled into SJMC's operating theatre for operasi cantum usus balik, my life had changed the minute I woke up. The intense pain had been a grim reminder for life and I blamed it on my bad karma. I was being accused for slitting open a live animal and tore out its intestine! OMFG how barbaric Grandma could be!!!

Remember this!
Everyday we human beings are trading with each other using our merits and karma. So my @#$% boss must have got more merits, that's why I have to slave at work and get clobbered verbally. Wait till my merits grow and I will abuse him back! Maybe in my past life, I had abused him terribly till he had to haunt me back this life! Oh dear, I better do my work well.

I had one Leng Chai friend whose parents own the Jalan Imbi's Weng Heong Daging Salai shop. I often brainwashed this 17 year old cos he was spending tons of money as if it flowed from the water tap.
I was surprised that he was listening attentively over the months and offered to follow me on my rounds.

He followed me to fetch the Hospice patient who has terminal cancer. This Kamala-chee needed oxygen in my car otherwise she would not arrive Pantai Medical Centre alive. So I taught this boy to operate the oxygen tank. Fucking Hell! I was shocked to find out the tank was empty! Why the hell did the nurse pass me an empty tank? What if Kamala-Chee pengsan in my car? I have to give her mouth-to-mouth? EEEEeeeeeeeeee!

We settled this matter quick! I am a veteran in handling such unexpected woes inside my car with the patients. So Kamala-Chee arrived PMC on time.

We had to wait for Kamala-Chee till 2 hours later. 

So, I decide to bring this Leng Chai to visit the shop that sells all types of Buddhism and Sutra books. He was excited and browsed one by one before deciding his pick.

We spent over RM400 on the hundreds of books which we will place them in the temples around Klang Valley, hoping that some worshippers might get awakened and ferried to better realms after reading them. Hopefully this could help replace this fella's bad karma with good merits too.

It has been over 10 years since the day the Hell Officer spoke to me and I have no doubts that hell is a real thing. Just another dimension beside us!

Now I am asking this Leng Chai to find 1 run-down orphanage to adopt, so that we could hopefully help and provide their needs in long run. He's too busy cos his SPM is about to start soon! Well I passed the ball to KeenYee but he too is busy till he forgot laah. Anyone knows any orphanage that is in dire straits and need HELP, tell Grandma ok. I will round up Leumas, SK Thamby, Anton, TZ, Bong, KY, Michi, William, Happy Go Lucky and whoever is interested. Maybe Foong Pak Choy might want to donate some spammed Egg Tarts? LMAO!

2012 is coming soon!

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Pigs Can Fly

It was a beautiful Sunday morning and I was driving into Federal Highway!
I had a blardy shock with my jaws dropped open. 

Guess what?

The traffic was so fucking JAMMED on both sides. Grandma was scratching his sarong contents and cursing as the cars could not move at all. It was a strange thing to happen on a Sunday wor.

So Grandma just drove 0.05kph and the snail beside could move faster than me. I was still wondering whether there was a drastic accident or the flyover collapsed!

Then suddenly hor, I saw something in the sky! UFO?

Strain your blardy eyes! Look closer! What izzit har?

I saw several parachutes coming down!! Whooaaa! A plane must have crashed and all the penumpangs jumped out for their lives!

So I took out my cheapo mobile from in-between my sarong!

One by one, they came down and below almost kissing the roofs of the cars! No wonder lah, all so kay-po-chee watched and screamed!!!!

The gals screamed cos the guy must be a dig dicked Matt Salleh lor.

I was amazed that they all landed on the same spot of TM building! Did they jump off from the plane or tried to commit suicide from the roof top of TM? I wonder anyone knew what happened. You guys must be sleeping, I guess as Bong, Anton and TZ normally only wake up after 12:00 noon on Sundays! KY wakes up at 4:00am not to pray but to hike or run like a monkey! LOL

I bet the traffic in the whole country would be JAMMED if the nude guys jumped down like this. Dunno lah, must ask FuFu whether he jumped BOGEL like this before?

Saturday, November 7, 2009

Secret Gardens

The romantic idea and brilliant concept of 'secret gardens' had existed since ancient times during the last days of Pompeii or the period when Chinese emperors flirted endlessly with their concubines in wine-bathing pools. They all loved their private enclave called 'secret gardens'.

Grandma had to work on a blardy @#$% Saturday morning to conduct some routine checks. So I curi-shot some photos of this modern day secret gardens! The hi-end developers today are cleverly making extra BUCK$ by building beautifully paved and landscaped enclaves right behind those million dollar homes they are selling. You will have your own garden within your property but the whole back lane would be the 'secret gardens' shared by your wealthy and nosey CB neighbours!

The tiled entrance to the privately guarded secret gardens which is cleverly not wasted becoming a backlane for stray cats or pimps to trade flesh.

It is nice and long, suitable for Anton to hold mama's hand for long evening walks and hum his favourite lines..

"Walk on a trail of loving kindness. Walk on a path of compassion.... And all else around you will be beautiful"

They even have light exercising stations and what would William think of this tilted board? Perhaps it's nice to get laid horrr!

Along the way, there's kiddies section while the Tai-Tais and maids could sit inside the pavilion to bitch the juiciest gossips about the tyrant Masters of their houses!

There's kinky iron rings right behind your luxury home too. Maybe ItchyBiru might love this to hang upside down a'la Bondage style. LOL.

My inspection job was done, all ready for client to launch! I always salivated admiring the interiors of the posh homes in Klang Valley, often rolling on their King Sized Beds and browsing the ultra modern kitchen cabinets. I can only dream to play inside the show units!

Now I was stucked in the usual fucking highway jam on the way back. Look, 5 lanes and all had to move at snail speed.

I think you are wandering where the hell is this 'secret gardens'? Well, guess la and win a treat from Grandma. He will summon KeenYee to bake Egg Tarts for the winner!

Quick guess the name of this posh development!! Win 1 DOZEN GRANDMA'S EGG TARTS!

If you cannot guess, just tell me where this rolling hills is located, will win you HALF DOZEN CUMMY EGG TARTS!

ZZZzzzzz.... ZZZzzzz

Still cannot guess, need some clues?

Look below.

The condo far behind in between the palm leaves and house is overlooking at Highland Towers right below! Aha! Sudah tahu kan!!

Still tak tahu? Look below, another clue!

This is Siti Nurhaliza's mansion which is just a stone's throw away! I bet you have the answer right, spot on~!!!

If still dunno, your head must be some kinda EGG TART!

If you are my office colleague or ex-colleague, please don't ever post your answer or I will SLAP your mouth hard ok.

The Day My World Ended

At sunrise of 3rd August, my wife came to fetch me in her brand new car. She sped all the way through the morning traffic to Shah Alam. It w...