Tuesday, December 30, 2008

The Latest Mop

Take a good look at this bunch of roots unearthed recently. I found it in Puchong last weekend and it costs a whopping RM400!! What issit?

It is edible but not advisable though. It's better to use it for decoration or mop and dust your pillows.

See what I meant? Decorate on your head!

Come and meet this handsome man Kenneth, my official photographer who is a real professional. Over a wedding eve dinner, he so kindly explained how he slept, washed and tied his hair to keep it in style. It was so tedious and tough to be a fan of Bob Marley! I would rather shave my head bald which saves water, shampoo and time as I have no patience. 

Thursday, December 25, 2008

My Snowmen @ Christmas

I know I am late in wishing all the readers and bloggers a very MERRY CHRISTMAS & A HAPPY NEW YEAR! Twilight was so busy working so bloody hard and running grandma errands. I waited for enough snow to fall from the skies so that I could make snowman. See! See! I have made so many snowmen below since last night and still making.

First of all I wanna thank Froglicious Fable Frog for bestowing me with an AWARD for all my fabulous grandma stories! Aawww!... Even rambling crappy and nonsensical gossips could get an award! I am so touched inside my pants and veli happy lah. I am just a newbie, 6 months old blogger who speaks from the brain, not mouth. Earlier Perky has awarded me the first one too. I am fully motivated to kick start to a better blogging tru the New Year 2009.

I just sketched with a mac mouse, so it looked hilarious to me. It should be better sketches if I had done it 10 years ago.
The thoughts just came to my head on some bloggers who have strong and distinctive essence on their character.
I always thought that snowmen could talk and these snowmen indeed could blog & entertain me daily. So nice and keep going yeah!
I hope you guys had loads of fun and cum during this festive seasons! While posting this, I ran to toilet the 3rd time coz I ate and drank too much since yesterday. Once again, Twilight wishes you all a Happy Christmas & don't stay sober alrite!

Monday, December 22, 2008

Christmas @ Red Box Pavilion

We had our annual office Christmas party on Saturday night at Red Box. 
I guessed it was the first and last visit for everyone! 
It was kinda expensive and the buffet spread was so little compared to Neway Karaoke @ Puchong.

The waiters were all dressed with Santa's hat and the service was prompt & good as we were a bunch of fussy earthlings!

We took the VIP suite so we demanded so many things. We drank hundreds of glasses of beer, wine and whiskey. I think everyone drank their 1st sip of alcohol before 5 years old. No one admitted they were drunk as usual.

We also got this fabulous view of Twin Towers by the big window. So much merry making, contests, singing, bitching and several beer gulping contest. My colleagues love to fun & camwhored in groups - over 1000 photos! Crazy lah!  I heard they took 3ooo photos when the company trip went to Korea. Siau lang!

... Sing! Sing! Sing! ... Can we bet on which one will walk up the aisle in 2009? 

They both seem to be a lovey duet in every karaoke session. I am just an inquisitive rat.

4 Hunk Hotties.... Still virgin and available upon request. Just ask me coz I am pimping for them! 
Patrick - He will forget your face the minute he zips his pants.
Stanley - He will sing you 4 + 4 Chinese songs without reading the lyrics coz he's banana too.
Tyler - He's a Chippendale dancer & voted the Best Performing Staff tonight! He won't disappoint you in bed coz he will write you HIS job brief first.
Melvin - He kena buang to Singapore office coz he's too hardworking. He will sunat soon as he can eat Malay Ikan Bakar 7 days a week! What a Gila Babi!

They only drank whole night and didn't sing at all coz they forgot they were inside the karaoke!

Since no one sang, this HKG Boss sang the whole night~!! He croons like Leslie Cheong but looks like Alan Tam after photoshop. Ha Ha!

Haaaiiiyah! There are 10 hard core smokers in the office. These 3 Pollutants of Mother Nature just polluted the whole room like cancer exhaust pipes. Cheh! Cough! Cough!

We have a Massage Corner for the aching ladies! They really did a marvelous job as if they graduated from Wat Po Massage School in Bangkok. If the offer B2B, I am sure there will be a long beeline & stampede!

OMG!!! Twilight won the GRAND PRIZE!!!!!  

I went home happy with a bag full of Christmas pressies! 
My Grand Prize is a Nintendo Wii.
I can't believe that whole night several fellas bargained and offered to buy my prize! What will boss think if I sold my prize for cash offers?

Saturday, December 20, 2008

32 At The Mansion

I treated my parents out for a special dinner to celebrate their 51st Wedding Anniversary in Penang recently. Yes... 51 years is a long time but I am not anywhere that old. I have confessed being the spare tyre or found-in-the-trash baby as being told to Dr. Nase & Fable Frog.

My parents are so uniquely a glued pair of Yao-Char-Kwai as their friends labeled them. They had never quarreled even for once in their 51 years of marriage except for minor No-shiok & Muka-Masam bouts by mum, typical of a married woman. Let me tell you their secrets! Their marriage is so precious as mum came from a prominent Thai family where my maternal grandpa was then the Chief Police Officer of Thailand. He was so damn fiercely egoistic and powerful in his hey days that his presence scared the shit out of many. I was never allowed to stand when he sat down, so I had to crawl on the floor across the room like a small baby bear! Sometimes I still shudder at the thoughts of the extreme Thai manners. So naturally, he did not allow mum to be married away to a commoner of no status, no car and no money groom. He tried to marry mum off to a long line of Thai hunks but all attempts completely failed. After their 11 years of Whirlwind Romance & Forbidden Courtship, my grandpa finally gave up!

So he threw them very grand weddings in Penang, Bangkok & finally Phuket where my late grandpa last held his CPO stint on that tsunami hit island. Those days, the troubled South and beheadings were so unheard of. So it was very peaceful when the whole South of Thailand was under my grandpa's fiery iron fist. What boaster I am but I'm just sharing the truths mah! 

My dad went on to work hard and scrimped every dollar to buy a cheap car eventually. Later on, he obtained a Colombo Plan Scholarship to pursue his career in United Kingdom after his marriage. He also came back with a Gold Medal & Certificate from the Royal Ballroom Dancing of London. He danced, sashayed & competed on the dance floors till he clinched the Malaysian championship long before I arrived from cyberspace.

So last year, they had a big scale dinner & dance dinner to celebrate their 50th Anniversary where many very old & wobbling dancers of yesteryears showed up. It was a tough time running all over the place to entertain the demanding guests until my head was twilighting out colourful stars! This year, being the only sibling around, a small quiet dinner was decided which I thought should not be compromised. 
I chose 32 At The Mansion after hearing that Brokerback Mountain's producer Ang Lee had dined and shot a movie scene there.

This is the magnificent night view of the palatial 32 At The Mansion by the sea.

The welcoming entrance to the old charming colonial architecture.

They have several closed-door private dining rooms for quiet affairs flanked by butlers & hanging crystal chandeliers. You will feel like a Baron sitting at the head of the long table. I was trying to guess what movie Ang Lee had produced.

This is where the popular dining area where there's musical band in attendance on selected days. It was packed with Ang-Mohs and Tai-tais who appreciate such old fashioned & charming settings for the ceiling-priced meals.

This is my loving parents. My dad is 81 years old and my mum is 79 years old. They still keep every strand of their hair black and have personal skin specialist to laser off any aging spots or marks that appear on their faces! They carry similar jars of special eternal face creams which only Empress Dowager could only enjoy during the Ching Dynasty.  I am not kidding you!

My dad still drives around bravely until reaching Cameron Highlands but occasionally got lost along the way home after buying groceries nearby his condo. His memory is failing due to his advancing age. They still try to visit friends and relatives England & Europe every year but I doubt they still have the energy next Summer. I stole this recent photo from his camera where they visited Blackpool in UK.

They went all the way there just to witness the World Ballrooom Dance Competition in Blackpool. I would think that was crazy! I would rather view the pirated DVDs.

When Hollywood filmed "Anna & The King" movie in Penang years ago, they approached my parents to give quick dance lessons to Chow Yuen Fatt and Jodie Foster. My humble father declined the offer and I was so damn shocked & very horrified!!! My dad replied that they don't need the publicity and money! Oh shit, I was grumbling for days over the Gone-With-The-Wind offer! Later someone told me that my mum does not support that show which belittled the Thai monarch. Oh yes, she is a very kau or pekat Monarch loyalist! No wonder that show was banned in Thailand too. Oh mommy dearest!

I will be deleting some sensitive contents in this post soon. What happens if my siblings found out all the leaked news. Twilight will be beheaded! 

You have a Good Weekend buddies!

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Braving The Recessions

The economy is getting shittier each day and Malaysia will be sliding along further into the ditch. We should start blogging on tips to save and eat at home rather than helping to promote all the eateries. What happens if I kena pecat and retrenched? Will my fellow bloggers feed me while I wash your cars and toilets? No jobs, no money and do I have to prostitute myself ? Let's start thinking of cooking at home and cutting shopping sprees!

This is a delicious Japanese Curry Rice for my dinner tonight. So yummy and aromatic with carrots, potatoes and chicken slices. The rice was pressed into stars from the mould for overgrown kids like me. Hee! hee!

You can get one box of Ready-To-Cook Japanese curry from the Japanese store for only RM5.90. You can cook up to 5 servings or 5 single meals. The taste is as good as Kampachi Restaurant's serving.

This budget 100 YEN Shop sells everything at RM4.90 or RM5.90 for their Japanese goods. If you shop at Jusco, you will not enjoy this low price.

They have so many household items, pots, pans, containers and all the crunchy Japanese tidbits which are so delicious to munch in front of the TV sets while watching your equally favourite hardcore Japanese pornos!

They also serve Snow Ice Cream of multi flavours and that could temporary substitute my addicted pangs for Haagen Dazz or Baskin Robins.

Their nice lacquer Japanese bowls and plates at RM4.90 could make good Christmas gifts too. Tell the recipients the BOWLS are for them to beg for money in case they get retrenched.

They have imported Hello Kitty stuffs too and you could give the gals to store their chunks of tissues, kotex or assam sweets! Anything will do! They have so many little things that you can never finish counting till tomorrow.

Even the best quality kicap sauce and Meiji dark chocolates are selling at RM4.90 each. I would be glad if everyone could start teaching me to save money too! Maybe I should recycle Star paper as my toilet rolls and save my after-shower water to wash my car & brush my teeth too. 

Any brilliant suggestions?

Monday, December 15, 2008

Christmas Night @ Orchard Road

Singapore has been beautifully decorating the city every Christmas since 1984! I believe they have the most exciting festive ambience in the world, beating London and even New York City. The madness bargains and throngs of shoppers crowding the whole stretch of Orchard Road was simply overwhelming and fun.

I advise non-Singaporean tourists to hop into their free open-top bus at the Singapore Visitor's Centre which is located in between Paragon and John Little along Orchard Road. Just show the reception your passport and they would gladly put you on their guided tour bus to see more lights without having to walk so long! So clever of their tourism board for making visitors happy!

You won't miss this big orange sign, yeah?! The bus stops there every half hour.

It was such a rush trip for me. I was there to do my MTV video clip outside Takashimaya and VivoCity. All the tourists just stood still and stared at Twilight who was shaking and dancing his ass off, swinging like a whore without any music! ha ha ha! So phai-seh & damn malu..

I bought some small Christmas pressies for my department only coz I grilled and tortured them all the whole year through! Christmas is time to bribe them and be forgiven!

I always love Singapore as they are so clean right from the streets to their Parliament house's tenants. You know what I mean lah. Too efficient government and Kiasu people but I love them all very much. Muak! Muak!

The streets along Orchard Road was so heavenly lighted up and even your foulest day's mood would disappear into thin air by its Christmas charms!

This is a very popular tree outside Paragon, judging by the number of shutter bugs and old Ah Liens & grandmas camwhoring all over the tree. It was nice!

Inside the Paragon, there were so many shoppers sweeping the shelves of the luxurious boutiques. Who says the economy is bad?

Next day, I went over to the Expo where there was a Tibetan Buddhist ceremony being held. It was the deity Kalachakra's Ceremony. I salute their Expo centre which was so well designed and damn huge! The 5 halls were opened up to comfortably accommodate 35,000 people inside!! Walau eh! The big crowds amazingly flew in all the way from Europe, America, Canada and all over Asia.

If one could diligently follow the God Of Time, Kalachakra's cultivations, the cultivator would be able to even call for rain or sunshine and even stop disasters too! It does not sound easy but some people could master it.

It is the best time to receive any good blessings when the world is so full of nightmarish disasters and gloomy economical woes. The ceremony was presided by the Living Buddha Lian Sheng who is so powerful with some 7 million followers worldwide including several country's Presidents who seek his blessing. A reliable source told me that even past President Clinton had private audience with him.

The 35,000 crowd was so huge but they were being so orderly guided and assigned to designated areas without any problem at all. I think it might be not so orderly in Thailand and Malaysia where some stampede might occur.

Who is visiting Singapore next? Keenyee! List out your Christmas wishes in his blog lah! Ha ha!

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Let's Go Funeral Shopping

I have hundreds of CDs containing many exotic and private photos in my collection. At first, I thought that they should be kept as P&C at all costs. Then I realised hor that when I die someday, my photo CDs will be cremated with me. What a fucking waste! So I better share good stuffs with everyone yeah. 
Everyday I read gory news and so much deaths occurred lately! Landslides, gruesome murders, overturned bus accidents and suicides. Last month I got news that my ex-colleague died of kidney cancer in New York and she was just in her 30s. Then my parent's so-called god son died of colon cancer in Penang. He was a hottie bachelor cum lawyer in his 30s too. What a waste of good lives! My head was reeling nightly about all the unexpected deaths. I remember the old Chinese folks often quoted that many deaths would always happen randomly just before Chinese New Year. We never know when's the day we have to 'balik kampong' to China.

Have you ever thought of your own death? Are we ready for it or looking forward to it? We often regard Birth as a beautiful thing and so, Death should also be a beautiful thing, isn't it? One day, the Nirvana's boss (NV Multi Group) Dato' Kong Hon Kong cordially invited my Dato' buddy to tour his Nirvana's cemetery in Semenyih and also their 5-Star Nirvana's Funeral Parlour in Sungai Besi. I promptly followed the Dato's entourage and snapped so many forbidden photos! I have selected just a few which has interesting tales and gossips.

We were taken on tour at their Casket & Funeral Accessories boutique where you can pre-shop your own after-death exclusive Coffins and designer's Ready-to-Wear collections for all seasons pula. 

These are all nice and luxury urns to store anyone's ashes after cremation. They come in great varieties including imported finest Marble stonewares with real 24K Gold trimmings. Nice pots, aren't they? If you wanna save, you can store your ashes in old Milo or Dumex milk tins as you wish lah.

They have widest range of coffins made from Oakwood, Rosewood & others, all specially air flown from Europe and USA. I pressed the cushion trimmings inside just for testing and they were so soft. Haiyah! I am not looking forward to lie inside so soon. Since I wanna cremate, I don't need so canggih and costly ones. Just recycle any IKEA's ply-wood should be regarded as fine imported wood too.

The Dato's PR guy Danny, proudly camwhored in front of this one. Aiyoh, I would be so pantang to pose like this idiot but he couldn't care less.

The clothes for deceased. The silky fine stitched black jacket look like fresh from Gianfranco Ferre's Fall/Winter collections. The cream long dress beside looked like a copycat from Dior's. They must be having a big sale as the prices are no where near the Parisian Haute Couture price tags! Ha ha ha!

Now these Chinese ancient costumes were worn by the old Emperors and Empresses of China. They are much more expensive than the Western clothes. Take your pick now!

This real Jade suit was imported from Myanmar and it costs a 6 figure sum! It is cooling and Jade is supposed to have the frequencies energy that enhances & feeds the spirit. Inside the Beijing's Ming Tombs, the Royal ghosts were seen inhaling pieces of Jades too. Does it make sense to you?

Next, we adjourned to the various halls for the funeral wakes. They had lavishly big and comfortable sizes with various themes. This one has Leslie Cheong's photo, similarly designed for his funeral and another was Anita Mui's. 

The chairs are so neatly lined with good lighting and freezing air-con ventilation! I always had goose bumps when I attended several funeral wakes there, so eerie lah!

We also toured their cemetery in Semenyih alongside the 2 Datos who were talking about costings and excellent Feng Shui stuffs. I was flirting with their marketing team who were brave toughies who feared no ghosts and never seen one. But they do believe that ghosts and souls exist of course! Don't you?

This is the long Dragon columbarium where premium urns containing deceased's ashes are stored. Those niches near to the Dragon's head pay very high ceiling fees like sitting on the aircraft's front Business Class! I liked the laser shows inside where they hold brief ceremonies before the urns are placed inside the niches. It was kinda hilarious to see the Amitabha & 2 Bodhisattva's statues emerged from below and the laser light from the Buddha's head would beam red laser light straight onto the urn with soothing prayers recited. Then a laser dragon's image would fly around the urn before evaporating into thin air. So high & advanced technology, I pondered lah. Anyone seen this laser show?

I always save the best for the lasts. I am sure many have heard that this grave belongs to the famous Chinese pop diva, the late Bai Guang who was a hot favourite singer during the 50s. When she died, her boyfriend made her this world's famous grave that has a real playing piano. He often sits and think of her at the table & chairs equipped with umbrella behind. How sweet of him!

This is the piano built beside the late Bai Guang's grave. Just step in front on the grey stone and a loud screeching piano music would play & accompanied by her real pitching voice singing very loudly! Instantly, my own head hair, body hair and inside's pubic hair all stood up straight in frightful horror! My own face turned pale powder white & shook like a dead corpse. Bbrrrrr! Brrrr!

This grave belonged to a terminally ill grandma whose days were numbered. Her children consulted an expert Sifu who calculated & advised them to build this elaborate grave for her complete with a tortoise shelled back above the coffin's area. They had to bury flocks of her hair, finger nails and shreds of her clothings inside. This old grandma survived until this day, enjoying Bah Kut Teh for breakfasts daily! Who says fate cannot be changed?

Our Life May Be Uncertain But Our Death Is Certain!

The Day My World Ended

At sunrise of 3rd August, my wife came to fetch me in her brand new car. She sped all the way through the morning traffic to Shah Alam. It w...