Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Twilight Birdies

I would ask TZ, "Have you seen white peacocks?" This dude has photographed hundreds of exotic animals from Zoo Negara till Sibu, right up to Uganda! He is indeed my own version of National Geographic photographer wannabes who has recently advanced to snapping pretty 2 legged birds as well. I bet TZ had never seen a white cock. LOL...!

My damn Sor-Hai friend Michael emailed to me and said that it would bring anyone good luck for seeing a white peacock. That reminds me of my growing years in Thailand where the folks believed in any myths that could bring luck and to strike numbers eventually. Thais are crazy punters for 4 digits and they also buy our 3 types of 4Ds weekly apart from their own gaming numbers. While Malaysia is Bolehland, we call Thailand as Mai Pen Rai (Never Mind).

Oh the Thais would round up all the white elephants to present to the King who would keep them in the private royal palace's zoo as they believe that the monarch's reign would prosper with the existence of albino elephants.
I was told by an expert that this bird is actually a Down's Syndrome animal like what we have seen some humans who have white hair, skin and eye pupils too. If looking at albinos bring me luck, then I should work or live next door to Kiwanis of Kuala Lumpur. You know what I am talking.
 Those who suffer from Down's Syndrome have much allergies to the glare and strong sun rays too. While I do sympathize them, a monk told me that it has to be due to their karmic matters.

I had seen pure white cockroaches a few times in my life too. The first time I saw it, my knees turned rubber and I nearly passed out from shock! FCUK I never want to see them again. I heard every cockroach would look pure white for a few minutes during its transformation process into adulthood. 
I am not sure how true that is coz I always failed my Science subjects! (hiding my face now)..... Have you guys seen any freaking white beings other than Michael Jackson?

Friday, March 27, 2009

Bio-Twilight Face

I always wanted to be Leng Chai like Takeshi Kaneshiro and get myself upgraded to Willy Diary's Class A list. But it seems impossible coz I never bothered about my face! Then hor.... this Fable Frog once baptized Twilight as Grandma, supported by Anton. Next came LeuMao calling me God Pa. 

Gosh! I had to take a good look at the mirror to see my @#$% face! So Too-Lan with my looks that the mirror dropped itself on the floor. Then Jerry Kiat came along and called me Uncle Twinkle! His buddies also followed suit and I think koay-thau liao!

Wanna see how fugly I am, I won't mind sharing la. Just click on the right bar - My Photo.

So ngam, I received sms from Biotherm Ad in the mobile saying they were giving me a Trial Pack! I just sprang like a Tiger at the offer and flew to MV after work.

They put up a huge booth complete with "Aqua" series of products plus fish tank. I thought my face would look like their ugly fishes. Bluek!

Wasted no time, I got a CB Beautician who bitched so much Bio-language that I hear-no-road. Next she used an alien's weapon to zap my face and suddenly my pores appeared on her lap top screen. I really looked like Yoda!

CB Beautician : Hey your face lacked water lah............
Twilight : My face has oil.... what water??? @#$%!!!!!!
CB Beautician : Only 48% Water coz too much air con.
Twilight : Yeah I carry a portable air con everywhere!!

CB Beautician : Aiyoh! Your face got 87% oil! *faintz*...........
Twilight : I know my face is oily. My mum fry vegies with it.
CB Beautician : Ayo! Ayu! Adoi! That is abnormal la. Aiyo!...
Twilight : WTF! Stop telling me face oily okei! I know it la!
CB Beautician : Please use toner & water based moisturizer.
Twilight : @#$%!! Okay I will buy them, stop nagging bitch.

CB Beautician : Whoa! You got no wrinkles lah compare to others.
Twilight : Hee Hee! Sure lah, oily face how to have wrinkles hor?..
CB Beautician : True! Oily faced tend to prevent wrinkles. Good !!
Twilight : See told you oily faced is good. Can grease baking tins too.

CB Beautician : Oops! Oh dear! Your face got no elastic! Zero %....!!
Twilight : Haaarr? My face no elastic means I'll look like grandma?
CB Beautician : Yeah, your face will sag down like a grandma soon!
Twilight : Sure or not? You say no wrinkles & now gonna sag down.
CB Beautician : Eeer! Oh sorry! The computer spoilt on "Elasticity"
Twilight : Kaneeneh CCB woman, scare the shit out of me! FCUK!

Okay buy this, buy that, use this, use that... this one free, this one discount, this one good, this is No 1 Worldwide in Men's...blah blah blah. Must ask SK Thamby, how his face has transformed into? Wonder why he hides under sunglasses now? LOL.

I ended up buying RM500+ plus freebies thrown in. After 3 months please call me didi okay!

Monday, March 23, 2009

Guess Whose House Is This?

The first fella who can guess the right owner of this fabulous mansion will win a box of imported chocolate specially from Twilight. I am serious!

My friend Derrick often emailed me private and sometimes gory photos like the inside tomb of Genting's Uncle Lim resting place which the photo actually came from London instead. Now the house below belongs to a prominent family which I happen to know, so it's alright to share the photos which is already leaked in the Paris internet. 

I dunno how to describe the shape of the facade. Inside this 3,000 square meter enclave you will find 9 bedrooms, 21 bathrooms, 2 guest suites, a ballroom, a study, a game room, a swimming pool, 2 family halls, a private dining, public reception area and huge private and public parking bays.

The huge family hall overlooks the swimming pool with plenty of natural lighting.

The family kitchen which is so huge in sparkling white tones.

Swimming under the moonlight could be romantic and nice!

The house perched on the lush vegetation greenery.

The house commands ultimate privacy in natural settings.

The huge spiral staircase leading to private suites.

Note all the walls are latticed bars that enables the abundance sunlight.

The bathroom, again with natural sunlight flowing in.

The huge ballroom has round chandelier that consists 13,000 custom-designed undulating petals of unglazed casts of porcelain biscuits.

This fabulous home sits atop the rolling hills of Bukit Tunku, KL.

Make you guess now!

Friday, March 20, 2009

Twilight Kay Poh Chee

I guess you know the Hokkien meaning of Kay Poh Chee which means a Busybody. I know I am one and I wholeheartedly admit it. I am not sure about yourself, maybe you are worse than me. Like the man who peeped at LeuMas when he pee-pee, that is another Kay Poh Chee wanting to know his dick size. There are so many levels and grade for being a nosey fellow.

Let me show you my recent nosey stint yesterday so that you can rate my Nosey Level.

I went to a shop to buy 2 safety helmets bcos I often visited the construction sites and 1 small brick fell from the sky. It missed my head, else you would have to attend my funeral wake by now. Choi! Choi! .... So I went to buy 2 safety helmets which cost only RM13 each.

When I came out of the shop, I saw a huge crowd loitering and trying to focus on something. I must not miss it and being taller, I stood behind to watch too.

After standing idly for 15 mins, I could not figure out what the crowd was waiting for.

Half hour passed, I was still standing and didn't bother to ask the uncles coz I pretended that I was not so Kay Poh Chee.  Deep inside me, I was hell of a busy body! I know myself lah! Hee! Hee!

It started to drizzle and I still stood there patiently. Now you can rank me as VERY KAY POH CHEE for waiting so long without knowing the cause. Soon, the police truck arrived. 

I thought they would haul up some China girls who came to prostitute themselves. No, maybe someone got murdered inside the shop. Maybe someone hanged himself. So I finally crossed the road to get nearer to them by 2 inches!

Aahhh.... Finally, one by one, they carted out all the computers from the internet shop. The crowd grew bigger and bigger. I told my heart that those fellas are really very Kay Poh Chee! I am not nosey coz I was just a passer-by. That's my excuse to console myself.

They loaded the confiscated goods onto the truck. Maybe they had no license. Maybe they were gambling joints or catered for pornographic clients.

Finally the fat owner stepped out looking worn with deep puffs of cigarette. His heart must be ached to have no more income when times are so bad. All this are my thoughts of playing the Kay Poh Chee role. I think I am just a mild nosey idiot.

Now look at these guys who get higher ranking as Kay Poh Chee plus Hamsap Lou ranking. They could just sit there and stare at the mannequins for 1 hour!!

After seeing, tak cukup, the Arabs went on, to smother the glass and screwed the floor in agony. Do you admit that you also have this Kay Poh Chee trait in you?

Monday, March 16, 2009

Expired Blogger

I think bloggers come in many categories and I've fallen to the ranks of "Expired Blogger" coz I am always late! SK Thamby puts me to shame always. Bah!

Well, the good side is that our economy is sliding downhill but my office workload has escalated. Don't believe me, you may ask Anton coz he often accompanied me as "online buddy". Oh dear, we have never even met but talked anything under the sun like old mates. Heeeee!

So the long weekend 2 weeks ago, Sam had a fun sleep over session while Cole was earlier being seduced by a pervert admirer at Market Place, I went home instead to Penang to visit my old parents - Dad being 81 years old and Mum is 79 years old. Let me update you about them since the last posting about Mum & Dad in December.

My Papa Twilight wants to go online again and to read blogs of RPK, Tun Mahathir and blah blah. Old dad is so forgetful that he cannot remember where's the ON/OFF buttons and many others. So he bought his latest Lenovo PC and pasted very ugly orange stickers all over! Old dad is still quite brand conscious at his age. I think JD Cole would be the same at 81 years, still shopping for LVs.

I was so stunned that he bought a new 42" Samsung LCD for just RM3,000 net! That was so fucking cheap man! The shopkeeper swore that he's selling the cheapest sets in the country. So head to Penang to buy the cheapest electrical stuffs.

Not forgetting Mama Twilight who still waltzs ballroom with Papa every week, so she has many dancing shoes with suede bottoms to glide on the floor like an old Thai swan.
All her Imelda Marcos shoes are custom made and you won't believe that Jimmy Choo's father used to make her earlier shoes, many decades ago! This month's end, old Mama Twilight is co-hosting the YMCA's World Ballroom Competition in Penang. Twilight is being invited to the black suit ball! Yay!

My journey back to KL was so peaceful and serene with the morning drizzle. It was so freaking cool at 22C degrees with heavy fog like the rolling Guilin mountains in China. You only get to see this after Ipoh with the limestone hills beautifully run across like a dragon ascending from heavens.

Then suddenly hor....

I saw a corpse lying on the roadside motionless in badly torn clothing. I could not figure out the gender coz the bra chested was so mighty flat like a man, so I aimed at the genitals instead coz the Levis 501 was ripped apart like that!

I stopped the car and got down to discover a muscular Malay hunky man still alive! Eeer Yiaks, his flesh were ripped torn with open wounds oozing blood all over. His fingers were all broken and pointed all directions at North, South, East & West! Shrieks! He was numbed in silent pain!

2 female bimbos also got down and related in hysterical manner on how the man crashed by himself onto the side railings! He was speeding straight and the strong crosswinds blew him to the side, crashing on the metal sides. He was thrown off from his bike and fell onto the highway with his bike gliding towards passing cars! So the bimbo couldn't brake on time and ran over his bike!
So hysterical she was, kept pleading with Twilight to be the witness that she didn't hit him cos the victim was in great agony & pain to speak. Kaneeneh asked me be witness? Sorry, I didn't see how it happened exactly.

So many kay pohs stopped by, causing massive traffic jam on both sides! Someone pulled the victim's pants up to cover his pubic hair! Ambulance was summoned and the stupid receptionist asked us which hospital we preferred to summon their ambulance? WTF! How on earth do we know whether Slim River or Tanjung Malim?

The policemen arrived shortly but parked their truck on the other side of the lane. The stupid Bimbo pleaded hysterically again to the police that she didn't hit the victim but he fell by himself. I would have just shut my fucking mouth if I were her. Ended up the police had to examine her car and question her thoroughly.

Half way through, another accident happened on the same spot. OMG! A speeding motorcyclist rammed onto the police's truck which was parked stationary. There was a loud crashing bang and the motorcyclist was thrown off, onto the road. He got up in a terrible daze and smiled to the policemen.

Monday, March 9, 2009

Twilight News 1

I had to visit Bukit Antarabangsa to check my client's completed project of "Built & Sell" homes which were completed long before the horrifying avalanche. As usual me, so kay poh and went ronda-ronda to comb every road many rounds until the policemen also looked at me suspiciously like a grave digger!
I drove to the site, trembling a bit coz got few people died mah. The tinge of sadness was there as I could imagine how the dwellers of bungalow homes were jolted by the loud crash of earth boulders that fateful day. To stay in high rise is not safe but here landed homes also not safe pula. 
They have quickly cleared the debris and cleaned the roads plus opening up alternative routes. I actually love this area coz it has thick virgin forest reserves with heavy mists and fogs every morning and night time or after rains. It is so heavenly to live in this refreshing sanctuary. Years ago, I nearly bought a studio unit condo from our client but didn't managed to. I thank God he made me broke and ill afford to cough up the down payment then.

I also loved those abandoned 3 storey link homes that command the panaromic breathtaking view of the entire greens of the forest reserve. It is like a remaking of the Gardens of Eden picturesque.
Apa itu Eden when all the earth and rumah roboh habis in seconds?! 
That was more like Gardens Of HORROR lah!
This is my kawan's rumah and they were spared coz the rumbling earth swept away all his neighbours on the left! After the landslide tragedy, they never moved back to their home! 
WHY I ASKED????????
The impact of crumbling earth was so mighty great that it shook their whole house away by 4 inches! Surely lah, no one dare to live inside again as the tiang-tiang might roboh again. So scary wor! Moved by 4 inches, no way can shift back to original 4 inches location. LOL!
Better be safe than sorry!

Friday, March 6, 2009

Akan Datang! Twilight News

Everyday when I turn on my computer, I must check online all newspapers first. Aiyoh! Aiyoh! Whooa! Chehh! Chiibaiiii! That is my typical expressions. The news is full of craps and sickening news of political shit, gory murders and facking ah longs. Today politicians assembled under Pokok Hujan and tomorrow they might assemble under Pokok Pisang.

I am really tired of reading newspapers recently, makes my mood gloomy. Many moons ago, I worked for Cambodia Times and that was a hell place to be coz there were 28 Indians and 8 Chinese & Malays. So many back stabbers and bomb shellings apart from delayed news from Cambodia reaching us. Sometimes reporter kena bombed, sometimes wrong photos sent to us and all shit people made working life puked. So I quit in 30 days! I bade them all Chi-Bye!

Can you spot Twilight in the pix? 
Of course not idiot, coz I took the photos!!

Last week I was invited to join the last batch of colleagues to visit the printing plant of Suratkhabar Bintang, our most femes & popular paper. You know what? That kilang is out of bound to orang-orang awam, so heavily guarded that I was being sandwiched by so many walkie-talkie guards! Aiyo, so mah-fan lo.

I entered the lobby and saw a big comic wall, quite funny with their daily ramblings. Then hor, I spotted several familiar funny faces in it.

Dato Seri Wong Chun Wai.... need to say more?

Dato Ng Poh Tip

Some briefings about their printing process to roll out over 300,00 copies per day!

We were all given ear plugs before entering the printing area fully barricaded by guards around us. No cameras allowed coz I looked like a terrorist and OMG! It was so bloody huge like a monster!

Since I cannot snap photos, I asked them to allow me to shoot the model replica to show you. Look, it is 3 storey high single machine which starts from one end and comes out cut and folded on the other end.

It looked a bit like this one and it was SO NOISY that any lizard or cockroach that entered there would become instantly deaf. Enough of newspapers lah. I think I will publish my own Twilight News with grandma stories in my blog. Wanna read?

Happy Weekend!

The Day My World Ended

At sunrise of 3rd August, my wife came to fetch me in her brand new car. She sped all the way through the morning traffic to Shah Alam. It w...