Monday, June 27, 2011

A Lonely Dinner

I have a cousin's wife who often throws lavish parties here and I am always the top in her must-invite guest list for my filthy mouthed and racy jokes. I didn't know that it pays to be a gossiper and jester at dinners. She would often have home cooked dinners at home in TTDI complete with finger food, appetizers and main courses served in matching napkins, Noritake Chinas, Euro-cutlery sets and even door gifts!!
Otherwise she would often host at Shangri-la Hotel's Chinese restaurant. Her late grandpa was Penang's philanthropist and tycoon who was better known as the head of Malaya's Chinese Chamber during the Japanese occupation. So generosity and charity still runs in their generations till today.

She changed her last venue to a somber place in KL city which I had never stepped foot upon. A long table was being reserved that evening and I promptly got dressed in my sluttish outfit that night. I drove to town and it was raining in the chaotic traffic along Jalan Sultan Ismail.

Several roads were blocked in major junctions and I could not turn into Jalan Tuanku Abdul Rahman. I just got off from opposite Sheraton Hotel and walked out with my big umbrella into Jalan TAR. I was surprised to see big crowds in the drizzle crowding near SOGO's front.

There were so many guys in local costumes, drenching under the rain and blaring music. I guessed some VIPs could be coming soon.

The Malay costumes looked very Thai styled to me. I still had no idea what was going on till they had to close the whole street!

Finally, I saw some funny shelf displays of perfumes and discount placards in the street procession. They were launching the Mega Sale!

Even big placards of bananas, roti chanais and teh tareks were being paraded. It was a funny sight and I forgot the rain & long distance walk.

I reached the venue after half hour's rain water tasting walk.

Coliseum Cafe & Hotel.

I peeped through the frosty windows to see a cowboy bar counter with high stools minus any Rhinestone cowboys.

It was opened since World War 1 and in hey days, it was popular with all the British soldiers and families who came in traditional hats and Victorian laced dresses and frills.

I went inside and sat alone. The hostess and whole troop of guests had not arrived yet. I just gazed around to see the ambiance which still carried its old world's charm of faded white table cloths and assorted arm chairs.

I flipped through its laminated menu and the cover says ~ Established Since 1921. So long ago dei! That was around the era when my grandpa was courting my grandma amongst the bushes in Taiping's Lake Gardens!

The hostess called my mobile and dropped me the disastrous news. The dinner had to be canceled as none of their cars could reach the vicinity. My jaw dropped in disbelief and I squirmed to call the captain. I regained my composure and decided to remain seated in a smaller table. It was my first visit to this much talked about place and should at least try the food. It was after all 8.30pm and the rain was still drizzling outside. I know I looked like a single fool dining alone. The other Japanese and Caucasian diners stared at me but I just put on my natural thick skin to bravely smile back.

Their old Chinese & Bangla waiters looked shabbily dressed in their white uniforms complete with big black buttons! They reminded me of the Chinese comic, Lao Fu Tze! Muahahaha! The service was excellent and polite as if I was in the old days dining with Winston Churchill.

I promptly ordered their famed Ox Tail's Soup which was bloody thick and so muddy!
The taste was damn rich and fucking nice!

The main course was the even more famous Oriental Chicken Chop. Oh boy, it was delicious and done to perfection!

If the food was bad after all the troubles, I would have hanged myself on their antique coat hanger! I will be invited there by the same hostess again soon.
Have you dined at this famous eatery?

Friday, June 24, 2011

Driving Pleasures

How many of you out there suffers like me on the road? On typical days, I have to drive a minimum of 74 kilometers daily to work and back home. Somedays I clocked over 150km by just running around Klang Valley like a headless dog in massive jams and stressed city. That's my job and it's no bed of roses dei..

My faithful Blaupunkt 5-CDs stereo set died a few years ago and my music sensed also died along. I went around to ask shops to repair and the sales crooks merely tried to lure me to get a new set. They told me craps like it was tough to find repair experts and need to ship it to Hildesheim, Germany!! Blah~Blah~Blah! What the fuck man?

I was patient and started meditating in traffic jams instead or listened to silly radio stations which blared noisy commercials and talked shits that I loathed to hear. After 3 painful years, I nearly turned bonkers and lunatic on the road stressing my head daily in massive traffic jams! The taxes and tolls we pay will never solve the traffic woes. Just look at the damned Kerinchi Link!

So I decided to find a new cheapo set to replace and realised the square hole on my dashboard is too big. I could not find the right model to fit precisely until the audio man told me to get this latest Multi-media player set!

Voila! My lost life and mood came bouncing back!

This set fitted precisely into the hole on my dashboard perfectly. Muacks!
I am so excited cos it has multi functions for players like DVD, MP3, all TV Stations, GPS, Thumbdrive, iPod and blah blah blah. I still need to activate and add $$ to connect the TV etc. I wonder if I could install a dish to connect to ASTRO too!

Now I have live concerts of Lady Gaga, Jay Chou, Wang Lee Hom or BeeGees to serenade me daily with their performances while driving in crawling jams @ 5kph. It is safe yet entertaining.

If I am driving my honey and friends, we could laugh along with Stephen Chow or Mr. Bean.

If I am horny and need kinky stuffs to keep my vibe sensations running, I could view the Japanese hamsap man eating raw oysters! Ooops!

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Smelling Good

OooLaLa! I have strong penchant and cravings for anything that smells good be it food, babies or flowers. Using perfumes, colognes and aromatherapy have been my personal culture ever since I could earn my first dollar. My cars, toilets and even staircase are lined with fragrance to make the unwanted spirits giddy and stay away! Who says boys don't like perfumes? The fragrance of many perfumes are so sexy and could boost up my confidence in any required manner. I am sure you would agree and feel the same.

I have been buying them over the years from airport's retail shop promotions or warehouse sales where you could get the best bargains or at throw away prices! Just pay a song to smell good, why not?

I line my fragrance bottles on the dressing table according to the days and re-arrange them when my mood swings. To start my Monday blues right, I must use Ralph Lauren's Blue collection! It is so masculine and sweet to iron all my blues away.

I am a firm believer that the right fragrance will enhance the Feng Shui of yourself! So on Wednesdays, I will use Paco Rabanne to sit in long operation meetings! The smell on me will relax my boss' nose and he will forgive all my shortcomings! My boss is so man, vulgar and gangster-like, so mafia Paco does the trick to tame this devil.

I have this bad habit of going to men's parfum counters and abuse all their sample bottles on display. I would generously spray them all from my head to my both hands, hankerchief and even butt. The promoters would stare at me with all eyes in disbelief and mouths opened.
Kaneeneh it's free, so what?

To me, we must spray on something nice after dressing up for boring office, a lavish dinner or even funerals, otherwise it is not complete. I will not be able to walk and think straight plus I will get cranky and bitchy with my staff and friends.

I have been trying different brands along the way and I conclude the brands that I love the MOST are Pour Monsieur Chanel, Givenchy Gentlemen, Ralph Lauren Polo Blue and Guy Laroche Drakkar Noir. They may not be expensive but the smell somehow clicks well to pep up my inner soul and ego. They make me feel so MAN! I hate musky smells or fruity herbal lines. That will give me migraines and look like bubble gums!

Now tell me what you love to smell or use and I will try them!

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Cycling Hotties

It was 7:00am when the world was still asleep and my gang of cycling hotties were all geared up to shoot off from Putrajaya.

Can you spot me inside the group? So blurr kan and I must be the tallest one, right?

Damn it, I took this photo so I was not there. My groin hurts so I became their support car! This role is extremely important and you will know why.

These 3 hunks with really hard solid bodies and asses could cycle faster than a panther on prowl. This hobby is very healthy and expensive for them. In my gangs, their average racing bikes cost anything from RM3,000 up to RM40,000~!!! So bloody expensive man!

There were only 2 female cyclists. One is a familiar blogger Michi and the other is a Grandma... not me okei. I am talking about a real Grandma who squats in the loo.

This man looks Cool. He must be a cut and shaven. I mean his head lah.

After 60 km cycling, there was a confusion at Port Dickson. These dick heads could not find the shop for our breakfast. Niaamah, bad navigation and no GPS used.

Finally we found the famous eatery in PD, tucked away behind some lorongs.

Wow! I had a nice shock to see a Chevrolet Camaro sports car! That is what we saw in the Transformers movie, rite?

So many drivers had arrived at the same time to enjoy the breakfast at Suraya's. My eyes dazzled and my jaw dropped in disbelief.

Awwww! That's Pininfarina Ferrari! My dream car! I want! I want!

I wonder whether my bestie Jonathan will send one to me.
Do you think Jonathan will?

All carried beautiful Malaysian number plates and where did they find so much money to buy these cars?? Mind you, their cars are 4 wheels and the drivers' bodies were sloppy & fat like pregnant buffaloes! My friends on 2 wheels have solid torso and rock abs like DBKL's street lamps!

This shop has so many international clocks on the wall and they sell Nasi Lemak. It was so confusing for their international corporate image. WTF man?

My friends ate like gluttons from Pudu Jail and drank water like wild elephants in Niagara Falls.

This was what happened when one by one encountered bicycle problems like punctures or loosened links in the middle of the palm oil plantations! There was no mobile coverage and that's dangerous if I was not around. They could be raped by rural wolves since their asses are so hard. I had to monitor so many fellas like a tow truck culprit.

After tsunami, this grandma appeared unscathed on her bicycle and complained like HELL. Kaneeneh, no one could answer her calls as there was no coverage!
This darling Grandma is nearing 70 years old and she is the oldest participant in Malaysia's Triathlon Races annually
(Triathlon=Swim, Run & Cycle non stop)

Her legs are like ox and almost wrinkle free but she was the slowest and often got lost like a damaged compass! LOL.. I really salute her as she inspired me a lot. It made me think so much how my health will be like when I reach my late 60s age.

So a support car carries water and spare tubes. Next time I will supply bananas and foot massage services!

Hey guys, do some rigorous exercise and join our cycling. Put on the tightest skimpy pants and show off your chestnut balls ok. We are heading to Ha'adyai soon! Yay!

Thursday, June 9, 2011

A Surprise Gift For Me

I often envied some bloggers like William who boasted about their besties who shared so much happiness with them. Today I need to brag my own bestie ~ Jonathan who is a Sibu born stud. After some 10 years lapsed, we managed to contact again and yakked on the phone for many hours like gossip girls.

Both our phone bills hit the ceilings until blogger TZ had to shake his head and blogged about Grandma doing his oral exercise! Ha ha... I was piss-flattered and please read his POST HERE.

So 2 weeks ago, Jonathan went to Taiwan for 10 days and I was bored to death by the sudden change and silence! I didn't realise that Jonathan was getting restless too for not being able to yak with me coz I was using a simple lousy 2-SIM card phone. He could not call me via skype!

While he was in Taipei, he sprang into action and informed me that he has bought me a gift which would be couriered to me! How sweet! I had no slightest idea what the gift could be even though I had visited Taiwan many times. I thought it could be some famous Kaoshiung Giant Bak-Chang dumplings or Duck Liver-Pate Gums! Yiaks!

Two days ago, I got home late after work and it was pouring cats and dogs till it flooded the city. My car was moving like a submarine wading its way home.

Voila! I was so thrilled to see the box of gift waiting for me. It is not my birthday and not yet Christmas but my bestie sent me a GIFT below!

Awww! He was so sweet and I wanted to cry! Hoo Hoo!

Guess what Jonathan sent me??

Scroll down...


The latest Smartphone - HTC Incredible S.

Thanks heaps Jonathan. Muaks!

We shall be yakking longer and sweeter.

The Day My World Ended

At sunrise of 3rd August, my wife came to fetch me in her brand new car. She sped all the way through the morning traffic to Shah Alam. It w...